Travels and Thoughts

Quick Thought on Growing Up

2011-07-18T20:32:00.001-05:00

When did everything change? I used to SPRINT to answer the phone when someone called, even if it wasn't for me. I used to wait by the window, watching for the mail man to deliver the mail so I could run out and get it. It was usually never for me.

Now, I rarely answer my phone and loathe checking the mail, even the once or twice a week that I actually remember to do so.

When did phone calls stop making me feel special, and mail stop giving me hope? I think it was when mail began demanding my money, and calls began demanding my time.

Worship style

2010-08-19T14:07:00.003-05:00

Wow, that topic could spur a blog or two.

I thought this would be a microblog, but ended up being a little longer than I planned. These are just a few quick thoughts I had after seeing a picture of a friend leading worship, and on the screen behind them were the lyrics to a hymn. So, I thought, "Oh, they're more spiritual because they're doing a hymn. Obviously the deeper theology in the hymns means their worship is better."

Then I stopped to think. What would I say if the words were the newest contemporary hit? "Oh, they're on the cutting edge of playing all the new songs that God wants to hear."

So I thought through my experience of leading worship, and all the times either I had to define my style, or someone tried to define my style for me. I've been leading worship in some capacity (either as leader or band member) for at LEAST once a week for the last 15 years or so. Sometimes several times a day. That's alot. When I'm forced to do hymns, I don't want to do them, and when I'm forced to be "cool" and "cutting edge," I prefer the standards.

My problem does not lie with either style. God doesn't care about that stuff.

What God does care about is WHY we do what we do. If a contemporary song fits the emotional state of the culture of a church, then why not just throw your vulnerable hearts onto the altar and sing with all your might? If a hymn is going to strengthen the theology of a group by reminding us how big our God is, and that our words aren't always sufficient, and some other great writers have already expressed what our vernacular could never put on paper, then sing a hymn!

Just don't do hymns to please the hymn lovers. Don't do hymns to remind them of their childhood. Don't do hymns because it's the trendy super-spiritual thing to do. Don't do contemporary because that's what keeps people coming to church. Don't do contemporary because it's what the next church is doing. Don't do contemporary because it's what the cool kids like. Do songs that honor, glorify, and lift up the powerful name of Jesus. Sing them together. Sing them well. Don't distract from what the Spirit is doing by making more of the song than of the One to whom it is sung.

Musicians ... there IS a difference between your Saturday night gig and worship Sunday morning. Let your playing, your stage presence, and your attitude reflect that.

Adventures in Homeownership

2010-07-03T11:52:00.004-05:00

I haven't blogged in a while, but I feel compelled to share the last few weeks' activities. It's exhausting, so take a deep breath and stretch a little before we continue .... Ok.

Two weeks ago, I had VBS all week at the church. Enough said about that. It was exactly as tiring as it sounds. That was all followed by the typical Saturday night gig and Sunday morning churchin'.

Monday and Tuesday of last week were full day rehearsals with the John Sherrill Band. You see, we are recording a live CD next week and need to learn the songs. So, Monday was in the Woodlands, and Tuesday I was up early and drove to Huntsville. Wednesday our plans fell through and I ended up staying home with Bella instead of rehearsing in Huntsville. That part of the story comes into play later. Tuesday and Wednesday evenings I had a rehearsal and gig, respectively, in Conroe at the Ark Church.

Thursday morning, the next day, the alarm went off at 3:45am and I was up and on my way to the airport to fly to Omaha, Nebraska, where I would rent a car and drive to Lincoln. I was playing piano for a theater performance by some high schoolers from Houston. They kept advancing to state and national levels, so I got to join them as they performed for 3000 or more people. After the show on Friday, I headed back to the airport in Omaha to catch the 4:45 flight to Denver, then one to Houston. As they were about to board, they announced something about a little plastic exit sign cover that was missing, which they can't fly without. Apparently this is a rare piece of equipment that no other plane anywhere near ours had to spare, so they cancelled our flight.

I joined the stampede back to the ticket counter and waited patiently for 2 hours as everyone in front of me was rebooked on the 7:45pm flight -- everyone until me. They offered to rebook me on a direct flight on Saturday morning, arriving home at 8:30am. Any later and I would've had to fly to Austin, where I had a 4pm wedding to get to. After 45 minutes waiting for the ticket counter lady to finish making my arrangements, I was all set with a hotel voucher and caught the Double Tree shuttle. It was a nice hotel, I just wish I could've slept maybe twice as long. Up again at 4:30 to catch the shuttle back to the airport.

After the short flight to Houston, I made it to my house in time to have breakfast with my wife and daughter, then change clothes and head to Austin for my 1:30pm call time. Everything was great, the wedding turned out nice, and I was back on the road a little after 5. Sunday morning came way too soon, and then the real fun began.

After church we went to grab some lunch at Smashburger, which was awesome. I took the girls home and was about to head to the Heights to grab my music gear from Seth's house (he had taken it home since I missed the last day of rehearsals in Huntsville 4 days earlier). I noticed that there was a little bit of water underneath our water heater. Awesome. Couldn't have happened at a better time. That was sarcasm, although there maybe could've been some worse times.

I left to get my gear, trying to solve the water heater problem, when I remembered we may still have home warranty. I checked the date of when we bought our house, and turns out we still had 3 days on our warranty! So, instead of having to buy and install a new water heater, I turned off the gas and water lines, and called them to set up an appointment. The rest of the afternoon was a whirlwind of getting bills paid and other things done before I left Sunday night for a camp with the Jimmy Needham band.

Bethany dropped me off at Jimmy's house at 9pm Sunday night, an hour late because of all the mess I had to deal with Sunday afternoon. We got the new trailer loaded and headed off to Florida. I had just gotten to sleep around midnight when Chasen, our drummer who was driving, said something about a tire sparking and pulled into a gas station. I really just wanted to sleep through whatever this was, but the smell of burning rubber and metal got me up. One of the trailer tires was not in good shape. There was grease all over the tire, and we could see that the axle was not even lined up with the tire. What do you do at 12:30am in Beaumont, TX, when your trailer is busted?

This is where God's provision came in pretty clearly. As we sat in the gas station parking lot, there were some guys washing the ground. After talking with them a little bit, they said there was a place about a block away that fixed trailers. So, our plan was going to be to rent a Uhaul in the morning, take our trailer to get fixed (and leave it all week if we needed to), and head to Florida on Monday, arriving a day late.

I checked the iPhone map and it turned out we had stopped at an exit that included several hotels, a Uhaul, and this trailer service shop. So, we didn't have to do much more than U-turn under I-10 to find a hotel for the night.

We went ahead and got a Uhaul trailer at 7am Monday, and loaded our stuff into it before taking our trailer to the service shop. Once we got our trailer there, they pulled it around and jacked it up. At that time the guy reached over and just pulled the tire straight off without loosening any lug nuts. He said it was very lucky we even made it there. Tell us about it.

He said it'd take an hour to fix, so we hit Waffle House. After it was fixed, we obviously didn't need the Uhaul, so we retransferred all our gear and took the Uhaul back. They refunded the 1-way rate, and we ended up only paying the in-town rate, since we didn't go anywhere. We got our trailer hitched back up, and not ONE SECOND after we got it hooked on, it started POURING rain. It was so strange. So, we drove to Florida Monday, drenched in sweat and rain. We arrived at 10:45pm, and got set up, soundchecked at 12:15am, and were up ready to play at 9am Tuesday morning.

So by now I'd found out that our water heater needed to be replaced, so I rejoiced because we were getting a new water heater. But what they don't mention is the amount of time it would take to get a new one. I called the warranty company and plumbers every day asking when it would all happen. FINALLY on Friday, after my third attempt, I finally convinced someone that I was not happy that my wife and toddler were at home all week with no hot water. The representative called the plumber, who said they could replace it on Tuesday the 6th, but she convinced them to do it sooner, which means TODAY -- between 9-5. I might have them look at a leaky faucet I noticed this morning, too.

After playing for the Friday morning service at camp, we loaded up and headed to just outside Mobile, AL, where we set up and played a show at 8:30. It was a great show, 15,000 people showed up, and there were fireworks and an 80 year old skydiver. Afterwards, we tore down, and headed back to Houston. I finally made it home at 8:30 this morning, with nominal sleep.

Today, I am sitting here watching new countertops be installed (after them losing our measurements, cracking our first slab, mis-quoting a price on our next slab, and having to wait for me to be in town to install), waiting for the plumber to call and come replace the water heater, oh, and our AT&T Uverse stopped working this morning, too. So AT&T will be here sometime between 9am-11:36pm. Not really, but I have no idea when anything is happening today.

Tomorrow I leave again for one more week of camp with John Sherrill, then off to Wisconsin for a show on Saturday night with Jimmy Needham. Hoping the house stays together till then (and after then, too).

Dreamer

2010-01-26T16:32:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting here listening to a piece I orchestrated and recorded yesterday. You'll be able to hear it soon over there to the right on my Reverb Nation player. It's not quite finished yet. It's nothing new. I remember writing it when I was maybe 14 or so. At that time, in Las Vegas, there was this local New Age composer named Giovanni, and he had a weekly show on PBS or something. They would play his music with really cheesy green screen videos. He'd be playing a clear piano with color swirls happening all around him -- like old Windows screen savers.

At the time, I was really into New Age music. Well, that sounds funny. New Age is such a broad musical term. I was into instrumental music, mostly based around the piano. Personally, I think of them as modern compositions with a pop music bias-- in that they have sort of a pop structure with no vocals. There are "hooks" and repeating "choruses." I was mostly into Giovanni and John Tesh at the time, but eventually discovered Jim Brickman, and then stopped listening to that type of music alot.

I discovered "sequencing" back then, too, and would stay up till really late at night "orchestrating" little tunes I would write. I learned alot about how music is put together. My old Korg O1W/fd doesn't work anymore, so I've lost all access I had to those pieces. I'd love to hear them now to see how I've grown (or haven't).

Now, almost 15 years later, I find myself doing the same thing. This time, though, I'm hoping to make a career out of it. Last night was so surreal, as I took a piece I wrote, barely out of Jr. High, and fashioned it into a somewhat mature musical offering.

I've been recently going back to all the instrumental stuff I wrote way back when I was younger, because there's something so pure about it all. Every tune was a revelation. I'd sit down and just start playing, and discover a new chord or progression or something, and it would inspire this piece to take shape. Then, I'd play my little pieces for myself. Over and over I'd play them, rarely sharing them with anyone, always dreaming I'd record them some day, or play them in my own show. I would stay up late recording them, usually giving the prettier melodies to the oboe, because that's a good instrument for pretty melodies.

I miss the discovery of that time. I miss the output of that time. I write less now. I don't know why. I hate feeling like I'm creatively dry. I know I'm not. I'm actually a better musician now. I mean, technically, I could sit down today and probably improvise as well as I used to compose, which means I should be able to compose even better. It just takes more work and more thought now. I welcome that. There's something very satisfying in hearing melodies and chords that I've put together, even if no one else cares for it.

My dream has always been to be a composer. I'm not sure why. It's not like I walk around with melodies swirling around in my head all the time. I think inspiration is real, and I love when I'm struck with it. I also think that the craft of composition is very important, and I actually love the technical side of it. I think Brahms once said that the key to a great piece of music (one that stands the test of time) is both inspiration and craft. It's one thing to be inspired and just vomit a bunch of music onto a page (or recording software), but that could end up just being an emotional blob that is cool for a little while but can't survive (i.e., most pop music). The other side of that is a well-crafted piece that is only well-crafted. There's tons of music that is long-forgotten because it follows all the rules but is not inspired. Lots of composers were hired by royalty to compose music weekly (or daily) for whatever reason, and you can't expect completely inspired music to come from that type of schedule.

My conclusion is this: I'm scared. I want to write music that is not just "adding to the noise" as Switchfoot once sang about. I'm worried that the feeling of discovery was in my teen years, and there's no more inspiration to be found. I'm nervous that I don't have the commercial appeal to make a living at this. I'm scared that I won't want to be as vulnerable and open as an artist has to be. Well, at least I've got the insecurities every artist has to deal with. I think I'm on the right track.

so. late.

2009-12-10T03:28:00.002-06:00

i still am not sure why i'm still up. i'm beyond my ability to do anymore work. i've been spending my time lately doing arrangements for a new worship music resource site a friend is developing. tomorrow i should finish the last of the five songs i was supposed to have completed by last week. and, i'll be going tomorrow to pick up some files to start the next project, which is going to be alot of work in a little bit of time.

this has been a strange few months. i'm more overwhelmed than usual. i'm trying to do too much, but for good reason. nobody pays me anything. i've got a 30 hour job that doesn't support my family, so i've gotta do free-lance stuff "on the side" to make up for it. the only problem is that my "on the side" jobs probably could add up to a full-time job themselves. some of them are simple gigs that make me an easy one or two hundred bucks. some have been much more involved, but have promised nice pay. they just haven't actually paid. half of the stuff i'm working on right now doesn't pay up front, but could actually make some good money on the back end. i'm hoping for that.

i feel like it's a huge ball that i'm trying to get rolling, and there's lots of obstacles and it's really hard, and i'm distracted, and discouraged. but once that ball gets some momentum, i won't have to push so hard. i'm not sure where they come from, but i get brief glances of what my life could look like, and that keeps me working toward my goals. i've never had to work so hard towards something. most of the time i just let life happen and i roll with the punches. but i've set my sights a little higher this time, and realized that there's a bit of a journey to make it where i want to go.

i'm learning how i work best, and what i really love, and even new things that i'm good at. this year has been enlightening like that. my main obstacles are time and money right now. i need to spend money to do the things i want to do to make money. i'm trying hard to find the balance, and i think it's good to have incentive to work hard when it means paying off the bills from those investments. time is hard to control, too. it's really frustrating to have a job that requires so much time spent on meaningless things, when i know i can work a quarter of the time for the same money. but, a salary is steady income. that's important right now.

this blog wasn't really for you, reader. it's 3:45am and i'm just venting. i'll look back on this post in a few months and probably not remember writing it, but i'll remember feeling this way. or i'll read it tomorrow, regret being so open, and erase it.

Merry Christmess

2009-12-03T13:56:00.002-06:00

I just read a great blog by Jason Boyett here.

He rants a bit about a large conservative Christian organization that is waging a "war" on the "secularization" of Christmas in retail. They have a place on their website where you can rate a store based on how much they remove Christ from Christmas. The short of it is this: places that don't say "Christmas" are bad, places that do are good. I love the points Boyett makes on this, and agree.

Last year the thought hit me that we tend to spend ALOT of time trying to find the "true meaning" of Christmas. My conclusion was that the true meaning of Christmas has become talking about the true meaning of Christmas.

What frustrates me about the rating system is how far from the "true meaning" of Christmas this truly is. If you really want to get holy, wouldn't buying any gifts at all lean towards the materialism that we should be avoiding? So then why would it matter if a store says "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas?" Retail stores have NO POWER over the true spirit of Christmas. They control sales and marketing. To say that their actions are removing Christ from this holiday is to give them way more power than they have. Could you imagine witches and satanists complaining about churches' Fall Festivals? How dare we take Satan out of Halloween! I'm being sarcastic, but I think the point is there. Why would we expect a world (especially the part of the world focused on buying and selling) to involve religion with their business?

If the Church is removing Christ from Christmas ... then we have a problem. That's what the church exists for. Retail exists to sell things. I think most large churches are shining examples that business and religion can't co-exist. So, stores, sell your things. Sell them well. Market to people and make them want to give gifts to each other. Church, keep Christ in Christmas. Keep telling everyone His story, and about His gifts to us, so that we will have reason to give gifts to each other.

Content ... how about some?

2009-10-01T13:53:00.004-05:00

Wow, I left you with a FaceBook survey for my last blog 6 months ago? I'm so sorry. The last 6 months have flown by, of course, but have been pretty good. I'm still working at the church, and Bethany is still part time at her psychiatric hospital (giving, not receiving care). The summer schedule of youth camps was light, but the few we did were really great. The 220 camps were spectacular. God wrestled with our "unbelief" and strengthened our faith in what he can do, and IS STILL DOING here on this earth today.

There were alot of great stories, but one that sticks out in my mind was from Monday evening of camp, in Longview, TX. We were given word of a woman--a friend of one of our leaders--who was diagnosed with cancer and had found out that the cancer had spread to her muscles. I don't know alot about cancer, but I'm sure that's not a good thing. She was going Tuesday morning for a follow-up visit, so we prayed that she would be healed. The report Tuesday evening was that the same doctor that found cancer in her muscles COULD NOT FIND CANCER. Does your God still do miracles?

Besides church and home life, I'm venturing out a little. I'm preparing my songlist so I can get out and start playing some music around Cypress. I'm hoping that will be a good outlet for me, and some extra cash. I'm also getting into composing film/TV music. I did a project for a church this summer that was tons of fun and sort of rekindled a passion I once had to compose for visual media. I'm attending a conference in a few months that will give me some guidelines for getting into this business, hopefully giving me a good step towards some fun projects.

I'm going to let my little girl help me update the last few months, so here's some pictures:

We bought our first house! I think it was the 7th or 8th house we looked at with the realtor. It met all our needs, was in great condition, and was in our price range. We LOVE it and excitedly continue to make it more and more look like "ours."

And finally, two weeks ago, my piano arrived, so it's now a "home."

Bella enjoyed her first trip to a beach this summer, as we went to hang out and lead worship for the youth ministry at our church.

She's getting older. Somehow each stage of life gets better than the last.

Two weeks ago, she turned 1! Our little girl is walking all over the place, into EVERYTHING. She is so much fun to play with. She mimics us, and even copies the inflections in our voices. She's saying several syllables, and a few actually mean something. What a joy.

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know

2009-04-18T00:11:00.002-05:00

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? yes
Been arrested? no
Kissed someone you didn't like? no
Slept in until 5 PM? no
Fallen asleep at work/school? no
Held a snake? yes
Ran a red light? yes
Been suspended from school? no
Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? no
Been fired from a job? no
Sang karaoke? yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes
Kissed in the rain? yes
sing the shower? no
Sat on a rooftop? yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? no
Broken a bone? no
Shaved your head? yes
Blacked out from drinking? no
Played a prank on someone? yes
Felt like killing someone? no
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? no
Been in a band? yes
Shot a gun? yes
Donated Blood? no
Eaten alligator meat? no
Eaten cheesecake? yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? no
Think about the future? yes
Believe in love? yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? yes
Talk in your sleep? no
Laughed until you peed your pants? yes
Spend too much time on Facebook? yes
Play/Played a musical instrument? yes
Lived outside of the country? no
Been skinny dipping? no
Gone sky diving? no
Dated someone longer than you should have? yes
Pierced a body part? no

just a minute of your time?

2009-04-16T01:04:00.000-05:00

Hi friends,

This "form letter" is entirely impersonal, but I'd like to enlist your help in something. It doesn't require anything of you except a few clicks of your mouse. We recently submitted a picture of Bella to a "Cutest Kid Contest." We did this because a) we think she's cute, and b) to be honest, I wouldn't mind having the prize money.

Here's the link, just follow it, fill out the information, and we receive your vote. I think you can vote once a day, and contest runs till the end of the month. I think your vote signs you up for some email ad lists, so use a secondary email, or be prepared to "unsubscribe" from a few things. Sorry about that. Thanks for your help!

https://www.greatamericanphotocontest.com/voter1/index.aspx?referid=EmailFriends&p=1319030&x=.JPG

- josh

Church Marketing

2009-03-25T11:42:00.003-05:00

This might be one of those "don't get me started" blogs that is, in reality, a "you can't stop me" blog.

I work in a church. Ask me a year ago if I thought I'd be working in a church. Ask me a year ago if I WANTED to work in a church. .... the answer is no, in case you don't catch sarcasm easily. Ask me 6 months ago when I went to work at a church if I wanted to work in a church. Still, no. Ask me, right now, if I want to work in a church ... you hopefully are catching on, now.

I went a long time without being in a church regularly. I WENT to churches, mostly for musical reasons, but I wouldn't consider any church a "home" church. Heathenistic, I know, but I have no problem BEING the Church as opposed to GOING TO the church.

But now I'm back. I'm in the same place every week, and what's more, I'm on staff, and I get to see all the little details that make a church function. This was no mystery to me; I grew up a pastor's kid, so I know that church is more than songs and sermons. But as the Church is changing, it's interesting (and scary, and frustrating, and depressing, and hopeless) to see how churches are fighting to keep relevance in the world.

Just the other day I was thinking about what it was that frustrated me most. I came up with this: I hate marketing. It occurred to me a few weeks ago in a meeting that I really don't know why people go to church. I know why people should go to church. I know why I would go to church if I wasn't employed by one.

The problem I have is that the reason we should "go to church" (which, preferably, should read "be a part of a church") comes from our spirit, while Church Marketing tends to appeal to our flesh. The spirit is selfless, and so should be our reasons for being in the church. Then why do we spend so much time trying to attract church-goers' flesh?

Instead of attracting people to a weekly service where their spirit can be refueled (assuming that spirit has been accessed during the week), why do we advertise great music and good speaking? When an event has actual spiritual girth to it, why is the marketed geared towards the food or prizes involved?

This post is, as usual for me, to ask more questions than give answers. But, I wonder often if we would just let the Holy Spirit be Lord over our churches, and not our marketing team (or pastors who need to be teaching and leading, rather than marketing), how would that affect today's Church? Less people would show up, that's the first thing. While most would see that as the first sign of failure, I honestly see it as the first sign of success, because the people left over would be there for the content, not the context. THEN, those that have come for the right reasons will invite for the right reasons, and will share for the right reasons, and will evangelize for the right reasons, and "make disciples" for the right reasons. THAT'S a Church I want to be a part of. I'm tired of thinking of ways to convince people to join a club, to attend a meeting, to go on missions. We need to stop appealing to flesh and being disappointed when the Spirit doesn't get involved (or worse yet, shocked when He does get involved). Start teaching how to live in the spirit and I think Church Marketing will redeem itself. And it will stop sucking.

Blog.Erase.Blog.Erase.Blog about erased blog.

2009-03-25T11:19:00.003-05:00

There's been maybe three blogs in the last month that I've started and erased. This is mostly because I would start writing something that seemed like a good idea, but then I realized there ended up being no real conclusion to what I was trying to say. I think in pictures sometimes, and I can catch a glimpse of an idea all at once, and it makes sense, but if I try to pick it apart and write about it, step by step, it's a little inconclusive.

For example, I realized I don't like maintenance. Oh! The blog on that topic was going to be monumental in its content and relevance. I had all these examples lined up, like how I wish you could just buy a car and it worked perfectly until you got a new one. I don't like having to get the oil changed and spending money on other maintenance.

I was going to talk about how I don't like making the bed, because you're just going to mess it up that night and have to make it again in the morning. I don't like having to squeegee the water off the glass shower. I don't like that software and hardware get old and need replacing (usually all at the same time).

These things have alot to do with how my personality works, I guess. I don't like mundane repeated tasks.

The point at which I erased this blog was where I started to realize that these "mundane" things went deeper, and I realized that's why relationships can be difficult for me sometimes. I enjoy relationships (and I realize their importance), but sometimes the "maintenance" of relationships gets in my way so that I can't enjoy the beauty of my humanity relating to another's. I tend to look at things from a "task" perspective, so that even relationships can feel like work. One of the scariest things about marriage to me is the constant maintenance it has required, and will require. I know it's worth it, and I accept the challenge because I know it's been given by God. He wouldn't have given me a wife (or child, for that matter) if he knew I couldn't handle it.

That's where I'm growing, and I guess I worried that sharing an area of growth, instead of an area of victory, would be too honest for a blog. ... And now I've blogged it.

Breakfast.

2009-03-16T11:40:00.003-05:00

One topic. One blog. Short sentences. That aren't really sentences, but phrases or words with a period at the end to imply a pause and give weight to those phrases or words.

I'm tired of working on Mondays. The weekends beat me up, and I have to get up on Mondays and start it all again. I used to take Mondays off, especially when I was playing three or four gigs per weekend. I rarely even answered my phone on Mondays. It was nice. But, life dictates that I must work on Mondays now.

Today was a little better though, because I decided to stop at McDonald's for "breakfast." It was 11:30am, but the first meal of the day is breakfast no matter when it happens. I got two Snack Wrap Macs, which I really like (more than I should, probably). It was one of those meal experiences where the last bite was the best bite. I like for the last bite to leave a good mouth memory.

I also ordered a large iced coffee. I realized why I like McDonald's iced coffee. It's really not that good, but it reminds me of the coffee I used to make when I first started drinking coffee. I was probably 10 or 11 and my dad would let me get some coffee at church. Back then, I think, the coffee was just an excuse to drink sugar packets and powdered creamer. Mix that with percolated church blend, and you have yourself a memory. McD's coffee tastes like an iced version of the coffee of my youth. Of course, it would take 7 or 8 to actually add up to the amount of caffeine I require now.

I decided to try these new cinnamon melts they have now. They were fantastic but oozed of "not good for me."

Well, I just found all of those things on The Daily Plate ... Ugh, I just wasted 1300 calories on breakfast. Looks like I'll be eating lettuce for the rest of the day. Why are there so many things that are not healthy?

I just wrote all that about breakfast. I really wish I had something more important to say. Maybe next time.

Overdue Baby Pics

2009-03-12T17:41:00.003-05:00

I'm so sorry! It's been forever since I've posted pictures of Bella! I know some of you have probably surfed my way several times and been disappointed by my theological and philosophical rants, wondering how that little girl was growing up. I'm going to stop talking now, except to walk you through the last few months of pictures:

We have started practicing on oatmeal. Bella is usually Ok for a few bites, but then decides that a bottle is way faster, so why are you making me eat from this tiny spoon?

A valentine's visit from Granna and Papa (the Smith grandparents).

Booyah ... that's my daughter sitting playing piano by herself. Why did I just say "Booyah"? 1995 called, they want their slang term back.

We took a short walk to the park last week for some Spring pictures. Bella was going for the "thoughtful, serious" look in this one.

Having fun with Mommy.

"Daddy! Did you see those ducks?!?" ... That's what she would say if she could.

She took some silly pictures with Daddy.

This is usually what happens after a few spoonfuls.

We're sitting up now! She can sit up by herself for a few minutes, and is trying very hard to start crawling.

These next few were taken just today while she was playing. She was smiling at me alot, so I grabbed the camera and got these framable gems.

March 1, 2009

2009-03-01T18:08:00.002-06:00

I was thinking of getting into sports, like a real man. I might join this club. They have a president and everything.

Validation

2009-02-28T11:33:00.000-06:00

This is really great.

"Then"

2009-02-26T20:59:00.002-06:00

I had a thought today. Of course, I can't remember what it was now......

Oh yes, let's see where this goes:

How often do you say, "I can't wait until..."? I think that way too often. It always seems like the next chapter of life will be so much clearer and better. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait until college. In college I couldn't wait to be out of college. Then I couldn't wait to date someone, then I couldn't wait to be engaged, to be married. Once I was married, my next "can't wait" happened before I could really wish for it. I could have waited a little longer for a kid :-). But this is what we've been given. Now I can't wait for her to crawl or talk, then it'll be walking, school, bikes, .... I always think the next step will bring less stress, less confusion, more opportunity. I guess every chapter in life has to have its conflict, right?

I know the churchy answers, that we're supposed to find contentment now, that tomorrow isn't promised, etc. But how? How do I make life work NOW when I think next year will be easier? I know full well that next year will be even harder, and I'll think "next year" will be easier. But something keeps me positive thinking that things will "smooth out" or we'll find some kind of "groove" to settle in.

I'm not sure I'm making a lot of sense right now, and I definitely know I'm not concluding with any sure answer here. Actually, I'm not even quite sure of what my question is. Things really are great right now; I don't want to miss that by wishing it was later, because the concept of "later" is going to get smaller and smaller, and I'll start wishing it was "then."

2009-02-24T10:24:00.001-06:00

Does "outreach" mean getting people in the doors of the church, or in the gate of heaven? ... Discuss.

That Was Moving Day

2009-02-19T10:15:00.002-06:00

I give you "That Was Moving Day."

I would LOVE to sit and make all sorts of excuses about how I didn't take enough pictures, how they are edited poorly, how I forgot my camera was set to "manual focus" instead of "auto focus," so most of them are blurry ... but I'm not going to do that. Here's my very first attempt at anything resembling stop motion video. More importantly, here's what our moving day looked like:

Entertain Me. now.

2009-02-12T12:34:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I read blogs and it seems like the writers do absolutely nothing but sit on their computers trying to find interesting things to share. It's a strange culture, this internet. I don't really do that too often, but today I found two videos that I thought were kinda funny. The first is a home-made commercial for the store Trader Joe's. I don't think I've ever been to Trader Joe's, but that doesn't prevent me from finding this really funny and well-written.

The next is a video of a girl doing voice-over captions to pictures of kittens. most of them are what you'd expect from a 6 year old, but a few are super funny. I laughed.

Today, I also learned that Mr. Rogers (of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood) was a huge supporter of making VCR's legal in the U.S., so that people could be more active in the control of their lives. He found it important that people could program their own lives and schedules, and not be programmed by others. I can't help but think of how this has evolved to DVR's and TiVO and U-Verse and all of these technologies. I LOVE that I rarely watch any of my favorite shows when they actually come on. It's so much healthier, and lets the technology serve ME instead of me serving the technology. Mmkay, that's all I have today.

iMa Nerd.

2009-02-09T11:37:00.000-06:00

You are among my favorite people if you understand this joke....

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development. " Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

The Return

2009-01-29T16:35:00.010-06:00

Hi Reader(s),

If there's one thing you haven't seen in the last few weeks, it's an update from me. So, buckle up. You're about to hear new things, see new pictures, and experience feelings unexplained ... or you will just read me ramble about my life and leave wondering why you wasted your time.

In order for me to have one of those blogs that everyone keeps returning to, I need to do two things. A) I need to update more often. Sorry about that. B) I need to include links to interesting, thought-provoking sites that influence your life. And C), I need pictures of my cute daughter:

Ok, let's talk about thought-provocation. I really like Larknews.com. I would love to just leave you with that link and let you visit the site and wonder if all of the stories are true. That would entertain me. But, I'll let you in on a secret: the stories are fabricated. But they're pretty funny.

Here's another picture of my cute daughter:

We're about to move into a house! Our lease was up in November at the apartment, which is slowly shrinking with a growing baby and her paraphernalia. We've been doing month to month rent since then, with the intention of either buying, or renting for a year before we buy. In December we put in our 2 month notice, and must be out by Feb 15. Financially, we aren't ready to buy yet, and renting for a year is looking a little disappointing. A family in our church found out about our situation, and offered to let us stay in their house while they are living in Russia for the next year. We can stay as long as we need, or as short as we'd like. They are returning for a 3-4 week trip at the end of July, so our goal is to be in our own place by the time they come back. The best part is that we will only have to pay for utilities. So, this should be a great chance for us to save and really make some good decisions about buying a home this summer.

Hey! Here's Bella:

The worship leading job is going alright. It's not without its share of frustrations, but I'm learning alot. If nothing else, I'm learning about who I am and what I really want out of life and career.

Way back in, oh, September maybe, I re-read part of a book I started back in college. I don't think I was quite ready for it then, but the part I read in September, I believe, is for me now. It spoke of missions, and going into other cultures. Basically, the most effective missionaries are not those who go in and try to change the culture of the people they are reaching. The most effective missionaries are those that enter a culture, and help to redeem that culture to Christ.

For example, imagine if someone went to an African tribe and said, "You can't play your tribal drums or do your tribal dances. The drums have been used to summon evil spirits, so they are evil; your dances use your bodies in inappropriate ways, so they are evil, too. You must, basically, be western in your culture, because that's what I know, and so that's what is best."

All that does is strip the people of their identity, force them into western thought and practice, and turn them off to the gospel message. Mission failed.

How much more effective would a missionary be if they were to go into a country and help the natives to use their culture to worship God? What if, now, when they played the drums, they were summoning the Holy Spirit? What if their dances were now used to show the tribe the change that God is doing in their lives, and express their gratitude for how He is changing them?

I think our own "Christian Culture" is so focused on changing the world, we forget that God is doing work to redeem the world! That's why our contemporary music used to be forbidden in churches. Why is it Ok now? It's because the Church has slowly allowed God to redeem music, rather than try to change the culture.

Why am I saying all that? Well, first, just in case you hadn't thought of that before. I had to get out and take a walk after I read those things for the first time, to let it all soak in. It's HUGE. What would happen if we stopped trying to change people and start letting God redeem people?

Secondly, I think that's where my purpose in leading worship at this specific location is found. I'm in an unusual situation where we are moving from more contemporary to more traditional. I had no intentions of doing a traditional worship service when I came on board, but I don't have any say in the situation. I feel that God has me here, though, to help to redeem the traditional elements. I feel like I'm supposed to help teach true, spiritual, worship through traditional songs--to redeem a culture.

Wanna see my cute daughter, Bella?

Welp, I wrote more than I thought. I don't want to bore you. That's rule number 4 about blogging. Don't bore your reader. If you've got a little time and want to see what I've been doing instead of blogging, look here. And if you are interested in seeing an article with a super cool picture at the top, look no further than here. If you want to hear something I've recorded on lately, check out this album: I played strings on "Shoes Untied."

Since I haven't really blogged since then, Merry Christmas from my family:

Sojourn "Advent Songs"

2008-12-17T11:15:00.003-06:00

Three of the last four years, I've recorded on Christmas albums. I only tell you this because it means that I start listening to Christmas music in July or August. Then, by December, when everybody else is ready for it, I'm already tired of it. Either that, or it looses its specialness because it's not attached to a season anymore.

Well, this year I found a CD that I actually am enjoying listening to. ALOT. Very rarely do CDs get more than 1 or 2 spins in my car before they join the rotation. I think I played this one for a week straight, and there's only 8 songs. This is an EP from a church community in Louisville called "Sojourn." Most of the songs are "Advent" related, so they speak much of the coming of Christ, and a preparation for Christmas. I love these versions of "Joy to the World" and "O Come, O Come, Emanuel." My favorite original is "Glory Be." You should really get this EP. You can pay whatever you want to for it, or download it for free by telling 5 friends. iTunes also sells it for less than 8 bucks. It's worth the money.

No Crying She Makes

2008-12-16T00:02:00.002-06:00

This is a video of Bella playing Baby Jesus in the Second Baptist musical last Saturday night. She was really wonderful. She just sat and looked around, making faces.

Thanksgiving and Beyond

2008-12-04T10:47:00.013-06:00

::deep breath::

Back to normalcy. Whatever that means, I feel like we're back to our real life again. It's been a whirlwind of a week, with alot of activity, alot of people, and ALOT of driving.

Thanksgiving day was great. We got to have dinner with my mom's side of the family. My parents were in Las Vegas, so Bethany and I were the representatives of the Smith family. I was really excited to find out that my grandma was going to be there. She has Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home. I haven't gotten to see her in several months, and she has never met Bella. It was actually the first time Bella got to meet most of those family members. Here's a few pictures of her meeting some family for the first time. These aren't in any chronological order.

This is my grandfather's mother-in-law. She lives in Mexico and speaks no English. When I was younger, and her visits to my grandpa and his wife lined up with our family visits, I would always make sure I said "hola" and "adios" to her whenever we came and went. That was (and still basically is) my Spanish vocabulary. For whatever reason, she felt a bond with me and would always ask about her "little amigo." So now I'm still her little amigo, and she got to meet my daughter, who is now affectionately her "amigita."

Here is a man completely smitten by his great-granddaughter. This is my mom's dad, Pappaw. He absolutely loved seeing her, and out of his 10 great-grands, this is the first he's gotten to see so young, and his first to feed. She was wonderful for him, of course.

My family has a long legacy of music lovers. I think alot of that comes from Pappaw. In this picture he's singing a verse from "Because He Lives."

"How sweet to hold a newborn baby, and feel the pride and joy she gives;

but greater still the calm assurance,

this child can face uncertain days because He lives."

I don't know whether she knew who she was holding or not, but it was overwhelming to get to see my Mammaw holding my daughter. I will cherish these pictures and this day.

This is Bella and her Great(est) Aunt Willa. Bella smiled so much for her.

Friday after Thanksgiving I had the chance to play some music on the Riverwalk in San Antonio with an artist named Darrell Smith. We kicked off the Parade of Lights that starts the Christmas Season on the river. Bethany and Bella get the award for best gig family. They endured 10 hours outside on the Riverwalk. It was a really long day, and all of us were fighting colds.

Bella and Pappaw saying good-bye for now. She was obviously heart-broken.

Saturday evening we drove from San Antonio to my parents' house in Montgomery, and got there just as the rest of the family was leaving. We got to sneak a few pictures in, and spent a little time with just my parents and my brother and his wife. Bella has decided that when Papa (my dad) holds her, she will stick out her bottom lip. We're not sure why she does it, but it's really cute. I was prepared with camera in hand.

Here's a picture of 4 generations. I'm the only boy. And the only one looking at this particular camera at this particular time.

Sunday afternoon, just as I was waking up from a much needed nap, we got a call saying that Bethany's grandfather was not doing so well. He's been bed-ridden for about a year-and-a-half, and somewhat unresponsive for the last few months. A few hours later we got the call that he had passed away. Monday morning we packed up again and headed to Burleson to be with Bethany's family and attend the funeral on Tuesday. We were very grateful that, not two weeks before he died, he got to see his great-granddaughter. As you can see, she had no idea what was going on, but this is another picture and event that we will all cherish.

Those Were the Days

2008-11-26T13:59:00.011-06:00

I remember days when I used to actually read books, and write songs, and journal, and sit down at a piano or guitar for hours. Where did that time go? I even remember days when I would know exactly what I wanted to write in a blog, and I would write it. Most of the time I would be sitting alone at Starbucks, acting like the quiet artistic type. It was so much more inspiring to sit and think that people might wonder what I was writing.

Not that sitting here watching my daughter's eyes get heavy while she swings is not inspiration enough. I can't tell you how overwhelming it is sometimes to stare into her face, or see her grin, and know that this is my daughter.

I'll be honest; I get pretty caught up in the logistics of life these days, and I forget to just sit and observe. Maybe that's the difference between now, and back when I used to read and write and journal. I've always been an observer. I've always quietly placed myself a little outside from the action to watch, learn, and analyze. Now it seems like there's so much to do that I don't have much chance to look around.

I received one of those thought-provoking emails that was forwarded to 30 other people besides me. These are usually thrown right into the trash, but today I read (meaning skimmed) the words that were sent. (BTW, I'll probably die in 7 days for not sending the email to at least 10 people,... so, .... um, my bad). I honestly don't really remember what all it said, I just remember a line that was something like "we've learned to make a living, not a life."

I love that my favorite hobby is my career. I'm thrilled at the experiences and opportunities it has brought my way. Part of me, of course, wants to be "known" as someone who is important to my field. I had a strange observation yesterday of certain circles I used to be in, how they keep rolling, with different personnel; And I don't fit in anymore. Those circles were what I needed at the time, and I moved on. I think that's a healthy way to live and grow. I can't say that my "circle" right now is exactly what I was expecting for this point in my life. But, I also don't think my heightened sense of "entitlement" is of God, so I embrace where I am and what I'm doing as God's provision.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not upset that my career goals for age 27 look different than current reality. How stupid I would be to look at that and wonder where my life's purpose was ... when my life's purpose is 5 feet away in a battery-powered swing (I will NEVER understand why they can't just add a simple A/C adapter to these things).

I've talked about it before, and now is the time where I start speaking things that I know are true, but are harder to believe are true.

I do music. I am not music. "Musician" qualifies me as someone in this society who earns money to provide for a family. I don't do fatherhood, I AM a father. "Husband" is not an activity, it's an identity. In ten years, no one will care which CDs I played on, or which artists I've played for (as if anyone cared now), what will matter is how much love and peace is found in my home. What will matter is how much my daughter trusts me, and how close we are because of quality time spent together. What will matter is how in love I am with my wife, even after 11 years, in my late 30s (*shudder*). Yes, I admit I want my family to be proud of what I do, and what I've done, and continue to have reasons to be proud of my accomplishments. But more than that (naming it, claiming it here), I want for them to be proud of the love they receive from a dad who is there, who pays attention, who teaches, who leads, who provides, and who might be a little quiet and withdrawn at times, just observing the blessings that he has.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my own little family. I'm thankful for my dream girl, who liked me enough to marry me and combine our life's journeys. I'm thankful for my little dream girl, a complete surprise and an even more complete joy.

I'm also thankful for Flikr, and my ability to completely ruin a moment. :-) Have a good holiday! Eat more than you should!

Pictures

2008-11-15T15:17:00.010-06:00

I don't in any way consider myself a "photographer," but I do enjoy taking pictures -- hobby-style. I am finally working towards having equipment that comes close to capturing life the way I see it, or at least the way I want others to see it. These are some of my favorites so far. If you are an actual photographer, or know more about taking pictures than I do, I'd love to get some feedback. Even if you're not a photographer, I'd love to know what you think. After posting these, I've realized that I have alot of flower pictures. This is a recent development, something I hadn't really tried until a few weeks ago. I like the flower pictures, I might dive into that a little more. So, here they are:

I like pictures

2008-11-15T13:16:00.005-06:00

It's been a while since I've posted, and I am sorry about that.

I'm going to try to give an update on everything in my life in one post, and show you a few pictures. 1, 2, 3, ... go.

I'm nearing 2 months as a worship leader at a church in Cypress, TX. It's been a pretty good time so far. I'm learning alot, but nothing that's really changing my views of worship, which is reassuring. I'm still convinced that church needs to be simpler than we make it. I'm not so sure God cares about production and presentation as much as we think. Something about man looking at the outer appearance, but God .... something about a heart, i don't know, i heard it once. So, needless to say (well, needless to me), I'm really working hard on heart issues at church. Hopefully the "success" we gain in those matters will overshadow any success or lack of success that we achieve in the numbers game. I can't tell you how lonely it feels sometimes to think that way.

Bella is the most amazing little girl ever, of course. She's starting to smile more and more, which is fun. A few weeks ago we took her to a pumpkin patch and got some great pictures with the pumpkins and in her kitty costume. She's 10 pounds and just got her 2 month shots yesterday. She did really great, and didn't cry too much (because Daddy was holding her). Later in the evening, though, she must've gotten sore or started feeling bad, because she was screaming. It was the first time she's cried like that, poor little thing. Today she's doing great, just swinging and sleeping.

I've had a crazy week. Wednesday night I got to play a pre-Latin Grammies gig at the House of Blues. Originally we were told that it was a party being thrown by Beyonce Knowles, for 600-800 people. I'm not sure how that got confused, because there were only maybe 125, and she wasn't one of them. I heard the next day that Latin Grammy rehearsal ran long, till 1am, so maybe some of those people were supposed to come. I don't know, I just got some fun stage pictures, so I'm happy.

The next night, Thursday, I got to play violin with a string ensemble in the Latin Grammies. We played with Tommy Torres. I'm still waiting to see if anybody posts it on Youtube, but nothing yet. It was a really long day, we were there 13 1/2 hours, and only played for 3 minutes or so. But, it was a great experience, and fun to see behind the scenes of a show like that. Gloria Estefan walked about 20 feet away from us while we were waiting to go onstage.

Bethany is an amazing mother. She went through alot in the last year, leaving her family and cleaving to me, moving in with a boy, having a child. Pretty big adjustments. I'm proud of her. I couldn't ask for a better wife and mother of our child. She's pretty, too.
On Monday we celebrate our first anniversary! I'm not even sure what to think about that. I figured it would be a whirlwind year, but had no idea our lives would change so much. We're looking forward to a trip to Ft. Worth Sunday, first to play a gig with the John Sherrill Band, then dropping Bella off with Bethany's parents so we can spend the day alone in downtown Ft. Worth. It's no Italy, but it'll do.

In other news, I got my car back after a month in the shop. I ended up getting a new engine put in, thanks State Farm for helping that happen. We're also trying to figure out a new living arrangement. Our cute little one bedroom, one bath apartment worked very nicely for the two of us, but is starting to get pretty cramped. I'm still loving the new Nikon D80 camera, and I think today I'll post some pictures I've taken. Talk to you soon!

A Place for Pictures

2008-10-20T12:44:00.005-05:00

Hiyall.

I love this blog site, however it's a little slow when it comes to posting tons of pictures. So, here are a few links to albums from Facebook that star Bella and her family. A few bonus pictures for you, too...

Nikon pictures

Uploads from my phone
(I am always adding to this one)

Bella is starting to do alot more lately, and is interacting some. She follows us with her eyes, grabs our hair and glasses, pushes the bottle away when she's not hungry, laughs at us (on the inside) when she fills her diapers and we have to clean it.

Today she had a hat on that is just a little too big (as is most of her clothing), and she was in her swing behind the couch. All of a sudden she started screaming and we looked to see the hat covering half of her face. I guess she woke up and couldn't see. It was funny, and I made sure to take a picture before I helped her move it.

Bella Pics

2008-10-08T23:50:00.007-05:00

Here's some more pictures of our little girl. Some are from our new camera, a Nikon D80, and some are from my phone. I think you should be able to tell the difference. I'm pretty excited about the Nikon, and just as excited that my cousins Andy and Lisa just got a Nikon D90 to take pictures of their daughters. Andy, you and I will have to swap photography tips or something. Maybe soon I'll post some of my favorite non-baby pictures I've taken so far. Until then, here's the girl:

With Uncle Jason and her cousin, Jacob

I think every dad ends up with a "napping with baby" picture. This was very obviously a Sunday afternoon, if you know what my weekends usually look like.

What infancy would be complete without a visit from the financial adviser?

This is what we see all night sometimes.

First bath. She actually sort of enjoyed it.

Milkaholic

Just hanging out with Dad

If she knew how, she'd laugh at her silly Papa.

It's 12:15am, which is actually late for me now. This used to be the primetime of my evening, but now it's a fight to stay up this late and enjoy it. Bella is actually sleeping in her crib right now, alone. That's a modern miracle, so I think we're gonna stretch this out as long as we can. More than likely we'll hear her sweet voice before 1, telling us it's time to eat again.

In just-in-case-anyone-still-reads-this-blog-to-hear-what's-going-on-with-josh news, I'm in my fourth week of being on a church staff as a worship leader. I'm not sure I ever fully told the whole story on this blog, but basically I felt like God was very directly calling me into a worship leader position at a church that happens to be across the street from our apartments. It was one of those things where I felt like if I just blew it off, I would be living in disobedience. So, I looked into it, and they hired me. The next day they moved me to the satellite campus, which meets in a movie theater. So much for all those times I swore I would never go to a portable church ever again. I'm enjoying it, for the most part. Maybe once a week I sit and wonder why God would have me do this. Sometimes I think everything I've spent the last 6 years learning doesn't matter, and that I'm the only one that sees church completely opposite of everyone else. Who knows, I'm still learning.

Vote for Shepherd

2008-09-30T21:58:00.003-05:00

I don't usually support politics, but I really think this video needs to be seen. Mostly because the music is SO inspiring. I don't support, or un-support anything this commercial says. I do support the music, though. And I think you should support the music, too. And the guy that wrote it. I heard he just had a baby.

First week (or so) at home

2008-09-29T14:08:00.006-05:00

We've survived the first 10 days of life with a child at home. Bella sleeps wonderfully ... during the day. She doesn't really like being alone in her crib, and lets us know about it. She just sleeps, eats, cries, and makes faces. Other than that, she doesn't really do much yet.

Baby is here!

2008-09-22T21:38:00.014-05:00

There's a long list of very interesting things I would love to talk about today, but I know why you're here.

Here she is.
Anabella Marie Smith.
She is beautiful, and already loves her dad SO much! It's been hard work feeding and changing her. Turns out babies take alot of maintenance. But we're having fun getting to know her. She's got the cutest little cries, which I will hopefully video tape soon and post here for her exploitation. Until then, here's a few pictures.

We've appreciated all the gifts we've received from our showers, especially those gifts that are practical :-). We love visitors, so if you're in the area (and not sick), give us a call and stop by to meet her. She's not real active during the day, so to really see her in her prime, stop by in the middle of the night. I guarantee we'll be awake :-). Bethany's mom has been staying with us this week, helping with housework allowing us to better take care of the little one. That's been a relief.

Finally!

2008-09-18T08:37:00.002-05:00

last night at 7:14, my daughter, Anabella Marie Smith, was born! She weighed 5lbs 11oz. I can't wait to take her home and start real life again. She wasn't breathing when she was born so she's in the NICU for the night until she can sustain her breathing and keep her body temperature up. It was a pretty rough delivery I guess. She'll be ok soon, though. I visited her 4 or 5 times last night to talk to and touch her. Bethany will get to see her soon, once she can ride a wheelchair comfortably. Thanks for all who have been praying, and please keep us in your prayers!

Labor is hard work

2008-09-17T14:02:00.002-05:00

I am sitting in what was my bed last night. Besides the 8-9 hours she ate and slept last night, Bethany has been in labor 29 hours or something. Granted, yesterday was just to prepare her body for induction today, but there was nothing easy about it. Right now it's 2, and things are relatively calm. She's on epidural and dialated 7-8cm. Bella is in perfect position and just waiting on mom's body to catch up! Should be soon, I hope.

Hurricane Pics and Baby Update

2008-09-15T14:14:00.006-05:00

This is a loaded post, so I'll keep it concise.

First, baby news. We are going in tomorrow morning to induce. It's finally happening. Bella is not breached anymore, so she's ready to go. Next post will either be from the hospital on my phone (if 3G works by then), or after we're home and I have a few pics.

Now, the hurricane. If you live in Houston, you probably remember what a storm Ike was. Remember? Wow, we lived through that together. If you're out of town, you missed a good time. Here's a (very) few pics from our weekend, with anecdotes. I'll post more on Facebook soon.

Thursday afternoon, Wal-Mart was out of water:

We stayed at my parents' house in Montgomery. I helped my dad board a few windows:

Nice, clean backyard:

Jody was sick during the whole storm:

Saturday morning, backyard was not so clean:

The balcony outside our room. There were alot of pine needles and branches:

Flooding on the golf course:

We made do with what we had. This is me making coffee on the grill. It was great:

One of Jody's dogs found contentment running through the flooded sand trap:

We drove around the neighborhood looking at damage. This guy had a sense of humor:

There was alot of these:

We drove home Saturday night because I had to be at church at 7:30 Sunday morning. There was hardly any power on anywhere in town, but our apartments had power. The next morning I wasn't paying attention and drove through some water in our apartment complex, and stalled my car. So, I missed my first Sunday at The Foundry UMC. As of 3pm Monday, I still can't get it started, so I hope it dries out and there's no major damage.

This is where our tennis courts and basketball courts usually are:

This is some of the debris right outside our apartment complex:

This car has some tree on it:

We almost parked Bethany's car under here, but decided not to. Probably a smart move:

So, that's our story, abbreviated. We're safe, and will be bringing home a baby later this week to a home with power and water. Most of the area around us is still without power, and the three gas stations that are open around here have lines of 50-60 cars.

Unearthed Lyrics

2008-09-05T19:43:00.005-05:00

I have made a discovery. I was cleaning out a closet tonight and found some school papers among some other writings of mine. Some time in college, maybe sophomore year, I had an English class. I'm pretty sure it was one of those writing English classes, rather than the reading kind. Every few weeks we'd get a long list of words for vocabulary study. For our vocab tests, we had three options. We could just go through and write out all the definitions, or we could write an essay using all the words, or we could write a song or poem using all the words. I always opted to write a song. So, here are my songs. If a word seems out of place and overtly pompous and brainy, then it was probably one of the vocabulary words.

::ahem::

Running Over Labyrinthine Walls
by Joshua Smith

I am so dismayed, that it's hard to convey
All the garbled thoughts I'm thinking today
I am not hallucinating, it's so intimidating
When my soul's so hurt it's incapacitating

Intrinsically I chide my mind- I will find solace in time
Can my cowardice keep my bravado primed?
I'll acutely search my life, no more cursory glances
I won't alienate myself from this chance

Ch:
I'm running over labyrinthine walls
Not accentuating their lethality
After this change I'll be undistinguishable
From the anomalous gringo I was

In twenty years I will suffer from insomnia
And all the perpetrators who attack my mind
But in retrospect I'll see they were only meant to be
A pre-requisite to easing my mind

If I can now assimilate what I've tried to communicate
And tried to say so affluently
No matter what your mind thinks, you have the power down deep
To make right the incongruities

Egocentricity
by Joshua Smith

Vs1:
There is something I must begrudgingly say
In speaking, I'm apt to deduce and foray
I'm facing the world with its egocentricity
"Discard those self-thoughts, for their thought unethically!"

Ch:
The problems of this world
Will bring chronic dysentery
To those who are duelists laboriously-
Fighting the flow instinctively
The quantitative souls who are lost
Are symptomatic of the high cost
The affluent will pay to tell those
Who love others to egress

Vs2:
I'm not charismatic, but I make this citation:
"Your loathsome self-centgeredness will lead to privation
of sustenance crucial to this blessed nation,
Which raises sated kids who are an exacerbation."

Br:
Now to the neurological center I ingress
I hope you're alarmed by my intransigence
Though abrasions may come I will not be silent
"Think of others and we all will win."

A Song for My Generation
By Joshua Smith

Vs1:
I look and see the world today
The pundits emanate their hypocrisy
While I'm complacent with my adaptivity,
They won't allow change- subverted by their mediocrity

Vs2:
The pedagogues continue to lambast my firm beliefs
Hoping for dire corruption to come upon me
But I am adept at watching captiously
Those hypocrites, secure in their vapid litany

Ch:
They can't hear my lamentations
My cries for help they do not heed
But their downfall comes so imminently
Who is their scapegoat? The young like me

Br:
With prowess tehy begin to come after me
But it takes no courage to imperil me
They see me sitting there so vulnerably
They think I want to argue with their expert polemies:
They compensate for their mistakes
By impoverishing you and me-
And they take away our mind's vitality

So, these read a little like "Mad Libs," but they were good for a few A's. Thanks for reading :-) And I'm up for co-writing songs with anybody, just let me know.

Not Quite Sure

2008-09-03T17:34:00.001-05:00

File this in the "I'm not quite sure how I feel about this" category.

I woke up this morning, as I do most mornings. I looked at the clock next to my bed, as usual, and it said 12:45pm. I won't say it's unusual for me to be in bed at that time, but what was unusual, was that I had not woken up until then. Most of the time if I sleep in that much it's because I look at the clock 4 or 5 times and decided I can still go back to sleep. I actually went to bed relatively early last night (around 2, I think), so I was expecting to wake up around 10. I started to get really confused, because it didn't feel like I had slept until 12:45. So, I checked my phone. 7:54am. I was somewhat relieved that it was not already the afternoon, and even more relieved that I could go back to sleep for a few hours.

Here's what I can't figure out. Why did my clock skip ahead 5 hours? If it had been turned off for 5 hours, it would've been 5 hours behind. I didn't have quite that rational of a thought when I woke up, I just figured the power had gone out. But, when I got up, the other clocks in the house were fine (the ones that flash when they lose power). The clock by my bed even has battery backup in case the power goes out.

So, it's a strange happening. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I forgot to lock the front door last night. That rarely happens. I doubt the two stories are related, though, because nothing in our apartment was moved or taken. I think if I walked in somebody's apartment at night, I would probably take valuable things before I'd sit and reset their clock 5 hours fast. But I've never walked in somebody's apartment at night, so who knows, I might panic and just start setting clocks.

What's that sound?

2008-08-27T13:00:00.001-05:00

It's the sound of custom-made ringtones, free of charge, bellowing from the tiny lo-fi speakers of my iPhone. In the words of Don Moen, "God will make a way where there seems to be no way."

How was it accomplished? I'll tell you. Like I said before, the iTunes ringtone creator only allows you to use songs you buy, and only if those songs are approved by the record labels. Well, a "ringtone" is actually just a short AAC (.m4p) file with a different extension: .m4r. So, what I did was take an mp3 from any album that I've imported, for instance, "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay. I dragged that file into Garage Band and made a nifty little 30 second clip of it with a short fade in and fade out so it's not too abrupt when it plays on my phone. I don't like for ringtones to scare me when they start. After that, I used the "export to iTunes" option on Garage band, which imported the mp3 into iTunes. Then, I set the importing options on iTunes to AAC, which creates an .m4p file. Once it was converted, I dragged the file to my desktop and erased it from the iTunes library. Once on the desktop, I just renamed the file from .m4p to .m4r, and double-clicked it. It opened up and automatically was put into the ringtone folder, which syncs with my phone. Dollar saved.

Lighter Note

2008-08-26T21:31:00.003-05:00

I've spent a few posts on heavy theological stuff. That's important, I think. But, today I will be talking about some things that have recently brought me joy. This, of course, is the fleeting, temporary joy that things of this world bring, not the lasting, incomprehensible joy that comes from the Spirit of God.

1. I like lists, so this will be in list form.

2. Number 3 will be the first item.

3. The Michael Gungor Band- This summer, John Sherrill was pretty excited about one of their songs, called "Ancient Skies." I liked it too, so I checked out the full album. It's really great. I love the creativity and production, you can tell it was really thought out and is very well done. The songs are great, too. I love "Ancient Skies," but also this song, called "Spotless:"

**At this point, I had planned on copying and pasting the lyrics, so you could read them. I'm not lying, this is the first time ever I have not been able to find lyrics online for a particular song. The one link that looks like it will help me is not loading. I will continue to search and type, and hopefully something will pop up. Weird. It's a good song, believe me.

4. I have an iPhone now. I really like it. It continues to become more and more invaluable. Just Sunday, I downloaded an application that is a really simple shopping list, and Bethany and I headed off to H.E.B. It was totally frivolous and a pen and paper would've worked just fine, but how cool was it that I could use my phone for that?

5. I took my computer in the the Mac store today because I screwed something up. They adjusted everything so that my iTunes library is all in one place, on my portable hard drive, and there is no music on my actual computer hard drive. I have 24GB free on my computer now (instead of 500MB like before), and all of my music is in one place. It feels like a new computer. Now all I need is a battery, so I can actually use the computer more than 10ft. from the wall.

6. I quit the band, Max Cat. It's been a long time coming, but I finally just went ahead and did it. October 4th will be my last gig with them.

7. I just stopped and thought about how quitting Max Cat is a pretty big financial blow for me. Then I realized the song that's playing on my iTunes right now is called "God Will Take Care of You." Blatant profundity?

8. I didn't know I knew the word "profundity."

9. I have a new drive towards a pursuit of the knowledge of God. I'm trying to be careful that I'm not just learning facts to have something to argue, but really working towards sharpening my beliefs and growing in my faith. I'm sure I'll post a few of my newest revelations here soon.

10. I'm going to be a dad very soon. This is her:

I automatically think she's the most amazing baby ever conceived. I can't wait to meet her and hold her and raise her. Oh gosh, I have to raise her. God, are you SURE I'm ready for this?

11. I took my car in to a service shop last week for my inspection (two months late), and was not treated like a child. I will be going back for other car work as the need arises.

12. My DVR is glad the olympics are over. I actually had to reboot it because the "record" light was stuck on. Sorry, U-verse. Thanks for doing such a great job, though. P.S. The closing ceremony is still saved on there, if you want to come watch it with me.

13. I am researching a way (and I will find one, I promise) to bypass the "ringtone" function on iTunes. Right now, I can only use ringtones that I make on iTunes. And I can only make ringtones on iTunes from songs I have bought from iTunes. And among the songs I've bought on iTunes, only songs that are approved by the record company to be made into ringtones can be made into ringtones. Then, they charge an extra $.99 for the 30 seconds I use of each song I already own. This is limiting, and needlessly expensive. I don't like to be limited, especially when I'm paying for very high levels of technology. And I don't like to all of a sudden be charged for what I used to do for free. And seriously, why would I pay another $.99 to have 30 seconds of a song I already paid $.99 to have in the first place? I will find a way. I already have an idea, it's just going to take a few extra steps, and THANK YOU to Apple marketing, I'm starting to wonder if it's worth my time to just pay the $.99 to save myself 5 extra minutes. Oh, you are clever, Mr. Jobs.

14. This is the last item in the list. I will talk to you soon.

Nothing New Under This Title

2008-08-25T20:13:00.002-05:00

I like to be right. I tend not to get into debates about things unless I'm pretty sure I'm going to win (or leave thinking I won). I spend hours researching things to find out the different angles and basically side with people that I agree with. I'm constantly trying to sharpen my thoughts and beliefs and theologies. Or I'm lazy and don't care. Depends on the day.

Here's a few things I've been wrestling with lately. This all stems from a few nights ago when I stumbled upon an article about Joel Osteen. I would keep it anonymous, but most of what I'm about to say either won't make sense if you don't know who I'm talking about, or it will be so obvious who I'm talking about, you'd know anyway. (** Just a note, I'm not saying, in the opening of this blog, that I am right in whatever I am saying here. These are the things I'm dealing with. If I'm not right, let me know what you think, and we'll figure it out together. Otherwise, I think I'm right)

First, here's something I've been thinking. Is it right to come on my blog and "publicly" speak against someone? Yes, I think so. These are things I would say to him, if I was important enough to talk to him. Also, Luke 12:48 says that much is required of whom much is given, so I'd say if you're placed in such a prominent "spiritual" position, everything you say can and should be questioned and balanced against scripture.

I am almost dreading what I'm writing today, because I've read SO MANY blogs and articles in the last few days, and I don't want to just add to the noise. My goal and prayer is that I expose the lies scripturally and maybe spur some of us to thoughts about these things. I don't think God wants us to just sit blindly and soak in everything that we hear or read. When Jesus sent out his disciples in Matthew 12, He charged them to be as wise (or shrewd) as serpents. I think that means we need to out-think the world. Satan has very limited resources to attack us with, and can use very subtle lies to influence us.

I made a comment on a youtube video the other day. The video was bashing Osteen (somewhat sloppily), and I was bashing someone who stupidly tried to defend Osteen. Within 12 hours, I was called a "hater" and banished to hell 3 or 4 times, etc. I'm pretty sensitive, so I thought, "Oh gosh, I AM a hater, where's the love, Smith?" But NO! That's what the pansy feel-good-about-anything-that-looks-like-what-i-want-God-to-look-like theologists think of anyone who disagrees with them. So this is for you blind, ignorant Christians who accept any message of health and prosperity because it's what you think you deserve because you're a Christian.

Word-Faith. Heard of it? I didn't until last week. Joel Osteen's dad was a member of this cult. Joel took over his ministry when he died, and continues this type of teaching. Oh? You didn't know the world's biggest church was a cult? Hmm.

Word-Faith basically says my words have authority over God (through something called "Positive Confession"). Hebrews 11 states "Faith is the substance of things hoped for..." "Substance" in this instance is somewhat poorly translated, and really means "Assurance." But someone decided that faith was an actual substance, and when I speak, this substance has actual power over outside events. Based on this belief, I can speak into my life what I want to happen, and it will happen. According to Osteen, I can speak into my life wealth, good health, whatever it is I desire. Since I'm speaking these things with enough faith, they will happen. So, therefore, God becomes subject to my words, and under my authority. Wow. I am pretty amazing, then. If God's under my authority, that .... that TOTALLY makes me GOD!!!!!!! Yesssssss. no. That's wrong. If God has something in authority over Himself, then technically (and philosophically), He can't be God. I've shut up some pretty loud atheistic mouths with this argument, so trust me, it's solid.

If I speak to my body and say "You will be well," you better believe I'm saying that as I'm driving to the hospital. My words are nothing without the authority of the Holy Spirit behind them.

Let's take Benny Hinn, for example. Beyond the fact that there are NO recorded updates on people he's "healed," he says that if we say "if it be Your will," our faith will be destroyed. Funny, that's the exact words Jesus spoke in Luke 22. If only Jesus would've had more faith. No, He destroyed His faith by asking God to let this cup pass from Him (I wonder if He knew He was about to die for a generation of people that think His death is their monetary and physical gain?)

If I'm never sick, I never need a healer. If I'm never struggling with money, I never need a provider. If I can will myself a perfect marriage, I never need to learn the kind of love that is a choice. If I can just speak myself into big house or nice car, I'll never learn to be content with what I have right now.

I know it's common now, even among people who are not believers, to say "Joel Osteen's not a pastor, he's just a motivational speaker." The more I read and think about it, the more I think that statement is not strong enough. He is dangerous. 47,000 people every Sunday leave a building thinking they've been taught the "ever-living seed of the word of God," when they've been showered with a message of false hope, not based in any scriptural truth. You cannot come to a realization of your need for God (and thusly be saved), without realizing the depravity of your own soul. As unpopular as it might make the messenger, it is a message that must be spoken.

Plug this thought into ANY large church (yes, it's getting personal now). Speak a message of our depravity. Don't use a screen, open a Bible. Don't sing top ten worship songs, sing what the Holy Spirit wants to hear. End with a message of hope, that Christ is the redemption for our depravity, but it requires some sacrifice and repentance on our part. Let people leave broken for their sins and imperfection, but glimpsing the hope set before them. ... Sadly, alot of people will leave if they don't get a warm fuzzy that day. Oops. There goes attendance. Empty seats. Means empty offering plates. Gosh, can't pay for our gigantic building or smaller ministries within the church. What? Pay cut for our pastor? No security detail? Church leadership is confused? Maybe if they were ministers, not businessmen, you wouldn't be relying on your personal marketing so much. ... Maybe it's safer to just preach a message that's inoffensive and have high quality production that makes church entertaining. WHEW! Almost thought we were just like those silly ancient churches of Acts.

2008-08-19T00:01:00.002-05:00

I just enjoyed this article. It was a link on another friend's blog. I won't say I definitely agree with her 100%, so don't read thinking this is my new outlook on church. But, I will say that it opens up some lines of discussion and thought that the Church NEEDS to have. My beliefs not really swayed easily based on what I read, but certain things do excite me. It's as though they're ideas I've had but just couldn't really articulate them. I get this feeling while I'm reading of "Oh yeah, I feel that way too," even though I couldn't tell you when or where, or what my conclusions were.

I just erased a large amount of ranting. I lost my inspiration or something. So, read the previously linked blog, think about it, come to your own conclusions, and make the necessary improvements in your life, mind, and church. I might post my thoughts later.

Another Music Rant

2008-08-08T01:08:00.001-05:00

I'm not extremely opinionated about alot of things. Music is not one of those things. I'm kind of over the whole "I like what you like so you'll like me" thing. So, if I don't really like a song, I'll tell you. I also am not afraid to admit that I might now like a song that I once didn't like. Here's what I'm talking about.

Without getting too honest about things that aren't really pertinent, I'll just say I'm not automatically a fan of each new worship song that people jump onto. Just because certain people wrote or recorded a song, doesn't mean I should embrace it. It doesn't mean the song is bad, it just means I would rather wait until the hype settles to see if the song has any true weight.

That said, I never liked the song "God of this City." I've had to play it several times at different churches, and it has always just felt contrived, like a marketing scheme by a big worship machine. "Here, Houston, here's a song to sing. Here's a song for you, Boston. Sing it at church and feel good."

No one ever seems to grasp on to the powerful message, because we don't think our cities need God. We safely drive down our roads to our clean churches with nice, smiling people who have normal lives. We sing our joyful songs about how good our lives are now that we're saved, and go home to our mostly great lives where we can do pretty well on our own. We're safe and protected in our little bubbles. We don't know what God is doing in our cities, so how can we say, "Greater things are yet to come in this city"?

You might not have heard of the band called Bluetree, but they wrote that song. After hearing this story (Passion doesn't mention it, that I can find; And Amazon.com told it incorrectly), I can honestly say that I am starting to love this song now. I'm not ready to sing it at my church in my city; I don't think it's necessarily for us here. So, take a look. Here's the story behind the song, from Bluetree's Myspace blog. Read it, then read the lyrics and allow your perspective to change.

God of this City

Nov 2007, Bluetree are heading out to Pattaya Thailand to participate in an event arranged by Belfast missionaries living in Pattaya, Thailand called Pattaya Praise. We’ve no expectation of the event; we were just looking for an opportunity to serve somehow.

We didn’t know much about it before we left, but Pattaya is a dark place. It’s a small seaside town notorious for it’s sex trade. Throughout our time there we heard countless stories of girls who are bought from their parents for a price, sold to the sex industry at ages as young as 5 years old. Arriving in Pattaya the spiritual climate seems to change, it’s hard to define, but there is a very tangible change. On the bus journey in we’d been our usual cheery selves, but entering Pattaya at 10am and turning on to a street lined by girls ready for business, the bus became very quiet. We’re in total shock. It’s a sunny day but it’s incredible how dark it feels.

’Walking street’ we learn is the epicentre of the sex trade in Pattaya, it’s about a mile long and at night springs to life with neon signs. Thai people are generally conservative in their dress sense – it’s generally considered provocative to bare your shoulders. But on their street the girls are wearing very little, and offering anything you can imagine for a price. It’s easy to look around with human eyes, see the depravity and get angry. You see older men walking hand-in-hand with young girls – as a daddy, that’s hard to take in. It’s easy to get angry, it’s easy to judge – but that’s not our job, so we grit our teeth.

We were in Pattaya to be part of a praise event not far from this street, the soul purpose of which was to worship and show God’s light in a dark place. We wanted to play more than the scheduled slots while we were there, so we found out that one of the bar owners would let us play a worship set in her bar on the proviso that we brought as many from the missions team who would buy coke-a-cola all night. We walk in to the bar which is about the middle of walking street, girls are lined up on the stairs waiting for business. We get set up, we’re really nervous and quite uncomfortable but we kick in to a familiar beat of worship and soon it’s ok. God starts to speak and we started to move in to this spontaneous song. The truth is when you worship in a place, you start to see God’s heart for that place. What would God say to a place like this?

Amidst the depravity God say’s, I’m the God of this City, I’m the King of these people and Greater Thing are Yet to Come, Greater Things are Still to be Done HERE. The song wasn’t written before that night, but we came out of the bar having worshipped with the song that is now the title track of our album – God of this City (Greater things). The song isn’t just for Pattaya – it’s for your city, and it’s true. By faith we must expect that greater things are still to be done.

God of this City (Greater Things)

You’re the God of this city
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation
You are

You’re the light in this darkness
You’re the hope to the hopeless
You’re the peace to the restless
You are

For there is no-one like our God
There is no-one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done
In this city

You’re the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You’re the King above all Kings
You are

You’re the strength in our weakness
You’re the love to the broken
You’re the joy in the sadness
You are

For there is no-one like our God
There is no-one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things have still to be done here

Camp Recap

2008-07-28T15:49:00.005-05:00

This one might be long...

You might know, you might not. I'm part of a ministry called Reach Ministries, which supports worship leader John Sherrill, in whose band I play. Lately, I've stopped referring to it as "a band I'm in," because it's much more than that. Part of our ministry includes summers full of leading worship at youth camps all over Texas (and beyond). This was my 5th summer traveling with John, but my 7th year to play for camps. This year found us out for 6 weeks total, which is alot, but not the most ever (we did 10 a few years ago). Here's a pretty brief look into each camp this year and a few things that stood out to me, things I liked and didn't, and I'm sorry if I offend anyone:

Week 1- Alto Frio

Chad Norris, speaker. I like Chad. He's so down-to-earth and preaches truth so plainly that it makes you wonder why you never thought of it that way. He would say things like "I'm preaching better than you're listening," and it was true. God spoke to me pretty clearly that week about something (explanation to come soon), which was unexpected and scary, but obvious and empowering. The camp directors were way too interested in numbers, and even extended the invitations each night to make sure there were more "decisions." It was frustrating to see the work God was doing be squelched somewhat by the warnings that most of us will miss heaven by 13 inches. ... That's the distance between your head and your heart. And it's an awful analogy. Especially after Chad had spoken that once we surrender to God, our spirit is made right with God and He sees us blameless. Then, we start the process of "knowing God," redeeming our minds and experiencing eternity NOW, instead of just waiting until we die to have the fulness of our salvation. He preached better than I listened.

Week 2- Disney, OK

John Randles, speaker. This week was just John, Dave (drums), and me. Disney, OK is forever away, and is a hopeless little town with a really good Mexican restaurant. John Randles is fun to hang out with, and is a great speaker, although I just don't relate as well to sports analogies as some do. Hopefully a few kids got a kick in the butt to get up and start living. Once the kids warmed up to us, they reached new levels in intimacy in their worship. It was neat to see that. We had fun hanging out with camp director Chuck Hill and his wife, Amy. My room was the furthest from the wireless internet, so I could maybe check my email once a day. I rebuked it one night as I searched for hotels for Bethany to stay in because of the giant roach infestation in our apartment. It decided to work for me that night, in the name of Jesus. And, we thought we were going to die during the thunder storm Wednesday night.

Week 3- Palacios, TX

Casey Cease, speaker. This was 220 Student Leadership Week- Preteen style. 220 is part of Reach Ministries. We do four camps a year (two high school camps and a preteen camp in the summer, and a winter retreat). Casey did great, but seemed a bit road weary. Understandable. Palacios is a miserable place. It was the worst camp food all summer. Ok, negative things aside. The band beat the crew in wiffleball. My friend Seth and I had a good time being the "Mail Guys" and handed out letters to the kids each day. I also enjoyed watching the daily rain storms. I'm sorry, I'm really struggling to find positive things to write. Oh, I saw some porpoises.

Week 4- SAGU, Waxahachie, TX

Matt Shepperd, speaker. Great week. It was the first of the two 220 Leadership Weeks. I am thankful for two trips to Waffle House that week. The campus was great for camp. Matt is a great communicator, and tons of fun to hang out with. The theme this year was "Restored," and we saw alot of lives, hearts, and relationships restored. God is welcomed and expected to move at 220 camps (which is not always the case at other camps, sad to say), and He always does. Amazing what happens when His people gather and beg Him to move in more powerful ways than they've seen. Check out Matt's ministry, I Am Change. My eyes were opened to the global issue of clean water. And no matter how trendy it is, Ethos is not doing enough. Please support this ministry. It's a problem that is actually relatively easy to solve, but just takes some selfless support. Clean water can be provided for most of the world for $10 billion a year. In the U.S. (which is only 5% of the world's wealth), we spent almost $480 billion at Christmas time last year.

Week 5- Camp Chaparral, Wichita Falls, TX

Maybe it's better I can't remember the camp pastor's name this week. That way I can speak more honestly. It's frustrating to feel like over the years I've come to learn about a gospel of grace, I've come to find freedom in Christ, instead of a list of rules to follow, and to see a group of teens be taught almost the exact opposite. I don't even know what to say without ranting for pages and pages. I guess it boils down to this: There was a message spoken this week of change - from the outside in. That's not how it works. Remember Week 1? Our spirits are redeemed. There is no secular/sacred, as far as I can tell. If the church continues to separate itself from what's going on in the world by ignoring the music and movies and art of this day, we will never have a voice to bring hope to this world. God can use a "secular" song or movie to speak truth just as much (if not more) than He can through a "Christian" song (and WAY MORE than Christian movies). God's only requirement is that we love Him and love others. If we do that, we will know what is right for us to listen to and watch. Some things affect me differently than they do you. I know I can't see certain movies because of what they make me think. I know some music plants impure thoughts in me. That's because I rely on the Spirit of God in me to show me how I need to live. I can't rely on a list of "can" and "cannot" to know what is right for me, because that's just going to take away my need to trust God, and my ability to think and reason and really explore my world. If that happens, I might miss God somewhere I wouldn't expect Him. And alot of "Christian" music just makes me mad. So, according to some people's theology, I should only listen to that music. Oh, and here's a tip for anyone who is just itching to be a preacher. If you're going to slam the culture, and technology, and music, and movies (and call people "punk kids" and "pre-christians"), don't use movie clips in your sermons. It negates everything you've preached. And I thought good Christians boycotted Disney, anyway. Oh, yeah, and when the worship leader ends worship on Thursday night by allowing the Spirit to speak through Him, basically also negating everything you've spoken in order to emotionally guilt kids into false repentance and "just in case" salvation so you can report more numbers, NEVER EVER use the phrase "How about a hand clap for sensitivity." Never has there been a more oxymoronic statement. I also had the most excruciating neck pain I've ever experienced as a result of weeks of playing, traveling, and loading gear. I got an emergency massage which relieved the knots in my upper body, but spent the next three days nursing the pain and not able to turn my head freely.

Week 6- MSU, Wichita Falls, TX

Matt Shepperd, speaker. This was the second of the 220 leadership weeks. We've experienced spiritual warfare at 220 camps before (it's to be expected when your focus is glorifying God), and this was no exception. It was intense. I'll try to keep it short, email me if you want more details. Basically the place was freaky to begin with. My skin crawled when we walked through the room the week before to check stuff out. The kids were young and most had never been to a 220 camp before, so it was a bit frustrating that they never were quite connected to what was going on. There was never a spirit of reverence, or any night that just really felt like the kids were awed by who God was. There was some, but not what I expected. Thursday night was unforgettable. Matt Shepperd was backstage waiting to preach, and we were leading worship. We started doing a song called "Healer," which says "I believe You're my healer, I believe You are all I need." John was leading and I could tell his mind was on intercession for the kids. As the song progressed, he stopped playing piano and lifted his arms to worship, then just laid his head on the piano and wept (he said later it was like a rushing wind blew over him). I reached over to my stage piano and we finished the song. There was a feeling in our playing that had not been there, and is hard to describe. After we finished, and John was playing again, I bent over my keyboard, head in hands, very short of breath, and wept. I wasn't sad, I wasn't broken over anything, it was unexplainable in human terms. I knew the Holy Spirit was right with us on that stage. Later I found out that Matt had been sitting on the stairs not 15 feet behind me, and felt a presence behind him. Instinctively he reached back and basically threw it in front of him, and put his hands out and started praying and walking towards the door. There were other freaky backstage stories, too, like when one of our staff guys was on the catwalk taking pictures during worship, and he felt like something was trying to push him off. I remember seeing him run down the stairs out of the corner of my eye. The next morning started out like a typical Friday morning at 220 camp. We usually have a 1 1/2 hour service with a short message, communion, prayer over the students, a few joyful songs, and then go home. I don't want to exploit the situation, so I'll just say that there was a girl who is demon-possessed. John was talking to her, and said something that made the demon mad, and she dropped to the ground and tried to hit her head on a brick wall. They constrained her and people joined around to pray. I don't usually feel the need to be in the middle of those situations, but for whatever reason I rushed over to pray. The same feeling from Thursday night came over me as I approached, and I could barely stand. My legs were shaking. I've heard some things about demon possession before, but nothing can prepare you for that. I can honestly say that it was not a human face I was looking at. Sure, it was this poor girl who had been hurt by so much in the past, but her facial features were different. One leader called out the type of demon by name, and she turned to him and sneered. John was begging her to just say the name "Jesus," and it was amazing to watch how she fought and struggled to even speak the name that could bring healing. Part of her bondage was rooted in deep unforgiveness. Once she was faced with that, and could forgive a friend, she snapped out of it and sat up.

I posted this earlier today with a few more details, but then when I checked this evening, the post was cut off in the middle of that story. The enemy has been and will continue to be defeated, and doesn't want these victories to be shared. He hates us. He hates that this girl has begun healing. She's not free completely (there are deep levels of hurt), so keep her in prayer. Keep in mind that these things happen all around us. If we're saved, the only tactic the enemy has is fear. Through the Spirit of God, we have authority over these things. They're so strong, but God is stronger, and He lives in us.

Midsummer Night's Blog

2008-07-06T01:06:00.006-05:00

I'm proud to say that I am the official low score holder at, and tied the course record for ... gosh, I can't remember the name of the place. But I played mini golf this evening with my cousins. And I scored a 36. Just to tell you how amazing this is, if nobody else gets a lower score this month, then I will receive a trophy. I only started playing bad once I realized I was about to beat the record. Other than that I was pretty unstoppable.

This week had a pretty crazy few days attached to it. I was in Palacios, TX all week for a pre-teen camp. That was pretty cool, very laid-back, somewhat restful. God really did some work in those kids' hearts, it was fun to see. And, the band beat the crew in wiffleball ... again. Palacios is still one of the grossest places in Texas, and it stormed at least once every day (I liked that part). The camp food was close to awful, so there were alot of Sonic and Dairy Queen meals.

Thursday, camp ended at 12, so I packed up real quick, grabbed some lunch, and headed off to Temple, a short 4 hour drive, where I was going to play with Jared Johnson. We played at Duckhorn Tavern, and I don't think it wins the "Smallest Stage I've Ever Played On" award, but it does win the "Smallest Stage I've Ever Played On With 5 Other Guys." Check it:

Here's a picture of Jared doing his solo set:

And a video of him on "Can You Duet" (on CMT this Spring):

I hadn't seen Bethy since Sunday, so I decided to drive home after we played so I could see her, and not spend an extra night in Temple. That sounded like a great idea back when I thought we were playing 8-12, but once I got there I found out we were playing 10-2! So, that put me on the road pretty late, but our bass player ended up riding back with me, so it worked out. I was tired, but I made it. I got home at 5am, and slept until about 10, cause I had to get up and go to a family reunion.

I can't say I have much to say about the reunion. I didn't know most of the people there, but I did have a good time hanging out with my cousins that came in from Florida, and talking to one of my mom's cousins, who is a guitar player from Louisiana, and plays alot with Percy Sledge. Today we celebrated my Grandma's 86th birthday (I think).

Tomorrow I head off to Waxahachie, TX to join up with the band for camp number 4 this summer. Three more then I'm done.

Other Things, Less Rock n' Roll

2008-06-25T11:27:00.003-05:00

This is what I'm thinking today:

1) I just found several blogs of friends I haven't heard from in a long time. Turns out alot of people are pregnant right now. It's strange how growing up happens. You're in college, and some of your friends start to graduate, and you can't believe you're old enough to have friends with college degrees. Then you graduate and some of your friends are getting married, and you can't believe you're old enough to have friends who are married. Then you get married and some of your friends are having babies, and you don't have time to think about that because you got your wife pregnant two months after the wedding.

2) I am glad that Bethany and Bella are both healthy and happy. We had a Dr. visit Monday afternoon, and everybody is growing like they're supposed to. Monday was Bella's 24th week of existence. Right now she is jamming to some light classical faves.

3) I'm at a crossroads in life right now. I have before me two opportunities for work; both jobs would bring more money, but also some sacrifice.

I always remember getting out of college, and how some of my friends would be worried that there were no job offers, no direction they were headed, no idea what was going to happen. They would have to fully trust God to give them what they needed. I would always have two or three offers, but no idea which to choose. Obviously, I was way more blessed than them. That was sarcasm. I fully believe that both scenarios are of equal importance, especially when it comes to how our individual minds work, and how we trust God. See, He knows that I can live with the fact that I don't know what I'll be doing three months from now (and I don't, my schedule is completely empty). He also knows that I hate to make decisions. It's not that I'm lazy and don't want to think about stuff. I over-think it and get worried that I'll make a bad decision and screw up the rest of my life. Where my opportunity to trust comes in, is that I have to trust that God will show me the best option, and allow me to use the wisdom He's given me in the past, along with the current help of the Spirit.

Nevertheless, there will be a new chapter starting in my life within the next few weeks (as if the last few chapters haven't overlapped enough). Please pray with me that I can choose the option that allows me to provide for my family the best, furthers my career and abilities, stretches me beyond what I'm now capable of, and breathes life into my soul, rather than steal my joy.

4) Please buy this:
John Sherrill is one of my best friends and mentors. Playing with him for the last 4 years has changed the way I think, the way I worship, and the way I tolerate Mexican food. I covet the faith that he and his family have.

5) Our neighbors upstairs have been especially loud the last two days. Why won't they just go to work or something.

6) I am going to go read to my daughter now. Maybe I'll post a "belly pic" soon so you can see how Bethany is progressing. It's amazing.

Here's What's Been's Happenin'

2008-06-24T21:14:00.004-05:00

Hello my reader friends.

I'm home this week. That is unlike the past two weeks where I have been gone, and unlike the next four, during which I will be mostly out of town. Ah yes, I'm living the dream, bringing music to the people. Ok, not exactly. I'm playing youth camps in places such as Leakey, TX, and Disney, OK. Spiritually it's been a great summer so far, but the camp locales, living situations, and sound men have been lacking. That's to be expected, and we make the most of what we get, I guess. July should bring some higher quality production teams, which frees us all to play better and lead as we like to.

I saw a concert Sunday night. These guys (Styx):

And these guys (Boston):

I will admit openly that I know very little of these bands. I know who they are, and how important they are in the scheme of music history, but there are certainly other bands I am more familiar with. So, technically I was only going for two reasons. First, I wanted to hear Boston sing "More Than A Feeling," and two, I wanted to see one of my childhood heros, Michael Sweet, of Stryper sing "More Than A Feeling."

It was a great show, even though I spent the whole time acting like I was a fan. I was originally going to buy a last minute lawn seat and just sit back for the evening. But, on my way to the gates, I was stopped by a scalper. Normally I don't get involved in that kind of thing, but I decided to at least see what he had. He said he had really great tickets and would sell them for $60. I'm pretty sure I had $60 on me, but I told him I only had $20 and that I would just get a lawn seat or sit outside the pavilion and listen (where it's free). So he asked me again how much I had, and I said $20, so he sold me a 12th row ticket for $20. I was half-way expecting to get to the gate and be turned away for having a counterfeit ticket, but they let me in, and I made it down to the 12th row. There was another guy next to my seat who asked me how much I had paid. I figured he had also bought a ticket from this guy, but turns out he had sold the tickets to the guy in the first place. He was shocked I got the tickets for so cheap. Eventually another guy showed up and joined our "party." We clapped and yelled and they sang songs as loud as they could. I tried to pick up on the choruses of the songs quickly so I could act like I deserved to be that close to the stage.

Styx was amazing. They didn't do the only two songs I know of theirs, but they were a great stage show. After the intermission, Boston came out and rocked. Two or three songs in to their set, both guys that were with me just left, so I was enjoying the concert alone without these crazies bothering me.

I was content to finish the evening alone, until a few songs later, an older, slightly inebriated woman came and stood next to me. I guess one of the guys had passed off his ticket to her on his way out. She would proceed to grab my shoulder and shake me, saying "AREN'T YOU JUST SO EXCITED!?!?!?!?" Cue the fake smile and "Oh yeah, this is awesome!"

Later she started pouring baby powder on the people in the row behind us. Not sure what that was about, but she got some on my shirt, and then started trying to rub it off. Awkward, but a nice gesture, I guess? A few times, I had to pretend to sing into her fist, which she held up to my mouth like a microphone. Refer, now, to the fact that I knew ONE song that was performed that night.

Eventually I was saved as a similarly intoxicated man joined her (taking my seat, of course), and they began dancing like people should only dance when no one is around. I'm pretty sure they had just met. By their second song together, they were making out, and continued a cycle of making out, awkward drunk dancing, and spinning in the isles until the usher sent them back to their seat.

So, I left after the set was over, and listened to the encore as I walked back to my car. It was a great night, very good concert, and all around interesting experience. I would recommend seeing this tour if it's coming to your area. Ok, I've done enough procrastination, it's time to work. Let's talk again soon.

Celebrity Alert ... Take Heed

2008-06-04T18:33:00.003-05:00

We saw this guy on the plane coming home from Las Vegas. It's Mickey Jones. I don't know if he lives in Houston officially, but I know he's from here. He is an actor on tons of sitcoms and movies, and used to play drums with alot of people, including Bob Dylan, Trini Lopez, and Johnny Rivers (Maybelline, Secret Agent Man), and The First Edition, who played with Kenny Rogers. If I would've known that I would've slipped him a demo tape. I just thought he was Pete from K & B construction.

Set my soul on fire

2008-06-04T13:05:00.008-05:00

I just woke up a few hours ago. I'm pretty sure I basically slept for 14 hours. We had a pretty busy, draining vacation in Las Vegas this weekend. My older brother got married (again) Saturday evening.

If you don't know my family's background, we lived in Las Vegas for 11 years. I consider it "where I grew up," and "home," even though I haven't lived there in exactly 9 years. I love going back, because there's a great balance for me between being a tourist, and going home. I know enough about downtown to know what I want to see and how to get there, but with everything changing so much, each experience feels new, and there's plenty I've never seen. More than the Strip, though, I enjoy heading into the residential parts of town, where tourists don't go. It's a really great town to live in. This weekend the weather was perfect. It felt like southern California to me, high 80s to mid 90s, LOW HUMIDITY. Here's some of the pictures I took. If you need more, I'm sure they'll all be posted on Facebook in the next few days.

Let's start with our amazing view at our first hotel....

My nieces getting manicures and pedicures (their hands were still drying)

Me and Bethany on The Strip in Jody's Mustang convertible

Go team? I hope the photographer's view of this was somewhat convincing.

Flower girls and ring bearer.

Beautiful house where the wedding was held

All the Smith Sisters-in-law

Forget the lights, this is what I miss about Las Vegas (The mountains, not the guardrails).

Our suite at the Venetian. It's how we roll.

Very similar to a picture from our honeymoon

A perfect 12th

The wedding was really great. It had its typical "Cory" moments, if you know him you know what I mean. The rest of the family spent the time chasing his daughters around, keeping them out of the pool. It was a little strange being at my brother's wedding and not knowing anyone there except my immediate family. But, I'm glad Cory has that kind of support in Las Vegas. Some day I'm going to have a chance to get to know his new wife. The only other time I had met her was the day before my wedding, and I'm not sure we said more than two sentences to each other. This time, it was her wedding, and we talked probably the same amount as before. She seems like a great person, very good for Cory.

The rest of the trip was slightly less stressful. On Sunday, Cory, Hannah, Jody, Victoria, Hope, and Grace all left Las Vegas, leaving my parents and Bethy and me. After sharing our bed with a 5-year-old the night before, we decided to splurge a bit and spent a night at the Venetian hotel. We were completely exhausted, but had a nice dinner at Grand Lux then walked along the "Grand Canal." The next day we had lunch with an old friend of mine, and I came down with something ending the day feeling horrible. We saw "Phantom" with my parents, which was amazing. We had bought tickets in the next to last row, which was what we could afford, but as soon as we sat down the usher asked us to follow him. I was thinking we'd be moved up a few rows, but he kept walking us down closer to the stage. He sat us in the 10th row, middle section. Bethany and I were just a few feet away from the chandelier when it fell. It was the perfect way to end our trip, until I stayed up almost all night with a fever. I survived the flight home and had lunch with my parents. Once Bethy and I finally got back home, I crashed on the couch. And, I must say I LOVE our bed. I haven't slept that well in a while.

That's our trip. Now real life is here, phone calls and emails to return, people to deal with. I hate it. But it must be done.

It's a...

2008-05-08T12:30:00.005-05:00

...GIRL!!!

We found out Monday morning that our new baby is going to be a girl! We didn't care either way, but I think we secretly wanted a girl. So far she looks healthy and they said she is growing 2 days ahead of schedule. I'm not sure if that changes our due date or just means that she'll be advanced way beyond her age. We're currently importing some classical CDs to iTunes so we can create the "Genius Mixes" she can listen to in the womb.

Here's a little video I made of the ultrasound. I tried to cut it down and take out some of the stuff that only Bethany and I really appreciate. Can't wait to meet her!

"May" I begin...

2008-05-02T17:24:00.002-05:00

...by saying it's already May. Ugh, why do i even bother with statements like that.

Three days from now, I will be a future father who is aware of the gender of his unborn child. I'm sure that this whole situation is going to all of a sudden take a new light. It's not that I'm in some kind of denial about having a kid, it's just that I think Monday is going to change my outlook about it a bit. It'll become a little less dream, alot more reality. After Monday, we'll know if we'll be tripping over teacups or hotwheels. We'll know if it's tutu's or baseball gloves; Dora or Thomas. Our "it" will have a name.

If you've asked me recently which I'd prefer, I've probably said it doesn't matter, but I think a little girl would be fun. Well, I went to a Little League game the other day to watch my cousin, Austin, play. And now, I'm thinking about how fun it would be to teach my son how to play baseball, and sit on the stands with the other parents. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!!!!! I am supposed to be wishing I was touring the world as a rock star and staying out late partying with my hot wife. Or not. I want to watch Baby Einstein and go to Little League games and have a big-eyed girl or boy call me "Daddio." And I want to watch my hot wife take care of our little one and blossom into the amazing mother I know she will be. So, boy or girl, doesn't matter to me. As long as it's healthy, and something other than an "it."

Oh yeah, and shame on society for not letting me know how much this was all going to cost. I'm slowly finding out everything, but I wish I could just get a pamphlet that says "This is what it's going to cost - Start saving." I'm sure we'll be ok financially; I just feel a bit overwhelmed going from "completely naive" to "somewhat educated but still very confused."

In music news, I've got alot of recording coming up. Next week Max Cat will be recording a Gloria Estefan song for a "music video" we shot at the zoo a few weeks ago. I'm doing my best to make sure it's done to the highest quality we can. Also, I've got another string session with Producer, Mike Thompson, of Ivory Tower Productions. I just did some work with him a few weeks ago, and he's got another artist he'd like me to work with. The music is really cool, so I'm looking forward to working on it. I'm also getting ready to record keys and some strings for my friend Donna Stuart. She's getting her record started this week, and Jill Paquette is producing it.

Of course, there's also the other standard restaurants, weddings, churches, etc, that I play at often. If I had the patience I would update my myspace calendar so you could see me play. But I don't have that patience often. Maybe someday.

New Myspace Page

2008-04-25T12:34:00.002-05:00

I have a new endeavor. I'm now going public with my string arranging and recording, and last night released the new Myspace page of Avenue I Strings. If you're on myspace, please add me as a friend, and tell your friends to do the same (especially musicians and bands). I'm hoping this page will bring in some new experiences and work outside of my little south Texas circle. And I won't lie, I wouldn't mind a little extra money with baby on the way.

www.myspace.com/avenueistrings

1 For You; 19 For Me

2008-04-22T21:50:00.002-05:00

Following a very dear, time-honored tradition, I did my taxes on April 14. For the first time ever, I actually am expecting money back from the ol' government. It's an amazing feeling...almost so good that I might be more inclined to do my taxes earlier next year. See, usually I put it off, because who wants to sit there and watch the red dollar amount on Turbo Tax go up and up and up? I almost felt bad watching the green number go up (legally, of course). But, I figured since that's sort of the point, why question it?

I just glanced over at the "Baby Countdown" to the right on this page. I won't lie. Our baby is looking very human. It's so strange. I know that's not technically our baby, but ours looks similar to that. It's inside my wife. And we're going to raise it. And I get to watch it enter this world. So many things I don't know if I'm ready for. I also thought the "Baby Countdown" kid looked like he was holding a coffee cup. Yes, that would be our child.

I've got some pictures to share. This is a recent gig with Yelba & Max Cat, at the Houston Zoo.

This is how we roll. Nature, music, unamplified electric instruments.

I feel like I'm just now getting somewhat caught up from last week. I even starting this blog early last week and am just now finding time to finish it. Here's what the week looked like:

Friday (11th): Had to be at school at 9:40 to teach my class, then found out the class met at 8:30. Awesome. I practiced for an hour then went to a recording session from 11a-5p. Then drove home (in Friday evening traffic) with enough time to change shirts, collect Bethany, and drive to my gig. Played 8p-12a.
Saturday: 4:30am, Bethany woke up in tons of pain, so we went to the ER. Two kidney stones later, got home around 11:30a. Hung out with my parents for a few minutes till they sent me to bed, and we slept until 7, when her parents showed up and took us to dinner. I cancelled my gig that night and we watched movies together.
Sunday: Played two church services, then played at an H.E.B. market for 4 hours. Got home and watched more movies, still exhausted.
Monday: Ob-Gyn visit. Someone screwed up our chart, so they were treating us like we were at 10wks when we were at 14. It was confusing, but I think we got it taken care of. We scheduled our big anatomy scan for May 5!!! We'll find out the gender then, and make sure everything's fine with the babes (mom and little one).
Tuesday: Recording session 9:30-5:30 with a break in there for me to teach my class. Then drove to Montgomery for a rehearsal with the John Sherrill Band. Got done a little before midnight, drove an hour back home.
Wednesday: Taught my class and lessons all afternoon, drove to the Woodlands for Max Cat rehearsal. I left there around midnight.
Thursday: Taught my class and lessons all afternoon, then drove to the Woodlands for a rehearsal/soundcheck for the John Sherrill CD release concert. We finished at 12:30, and I didn't get home until 1:30. I stayed up later than I should've, probably went to bed around 3 or 4, and didn't sleep well.
Friday: Another recording session 10a-5p, then drove to the Woodlands to play at Kirby's steakhouse 7:30-11:30. Got home after midnight.
Saturday: Arrived at the zoo at 8:30a, with Bethany, and set up. We played 11-3, with two 30 minute breaks that were filled with shooting a music video. That was more work than playing, and I was already exhausted. After the zoo, we went home for a few minutes and then drove back to Kirby's to play 7:30-11:30.
Sunday: Showed up to the Woodlands United Methodist church at 7:45 to set up and play two services with the John Sherrill Band. Then ate with them, rehearsed all afternoon, and played the CD release show that night. After dinner with friends, we got home, and I slept for probably 11 hours. Then Monday, I was awake less than 12 hours before falling asleep again. I feel rested now.

Wow. Now you know my life. This week is so much simpler. Except I forgot about a makeup piano lesson this afternoon. Oops. Didn't mean to do that. I'm going to scavenge for some dinner.

Day Trip to Galveston

2008-03-31T21:32:00.004-05:00

Today, Bethany and I both had a full day off. That rarely happens, so we took advantage of the day and decided to do something fun. We have been wanting to see both the Pompeii exhibit at the History Museum, and the Titanic exhibit at Moody Gardens. Since the museums are closed on Mondays, we headed down to Galveston to see the Titanic exhibit, and visit the aquarium. We just bought a camcorder yesterday:

We took some video, which I will post once I figure that out. For now, here's a few pictures I took at Sonic when some birds gathered around our car, and a few aquarium pics.

Finally....

2008-03-22T13:46:00.002-05:00

It's been weeks, but Bethany and I finally get to spend an entire day together. We started off by sleeping until almost noon. I know that won't be happening once the baby comes, so we're kinda soaking up this freedom while we have it.

* SIDE NOTE *

I absolutely CANNOT STAND the freecreditreport.com commercials. The music is horrible, and the guy singing in the commercial can't lip sync. So, if you've ever wondered what music I "hate," then add those jingles to "Shackles" by Mary Mary, and you have my whole list of songs I wish I had never heard.

So, back to this day together. I wish I could call it a day off, but it's not. I've gotta play a wedding this evening, which Bethany will attend, then we get in the car and drive quickly to Kirby's Steakhouse, where Max Cat will have been playing an hour before I get there, and I will set up and play the last three sets. This will be #19 out of 20 straight days where I have either played a gig or a rehearsal. My hands are tired.

Last night was one of the more useless gigs I've ever done. Max Cat played at a Steakhouse/Lounge last night called J. Durham, in Champion Forest (North Houston). Normally it's not a really busy place, but we'll at least have 15-20 people in the Lounge through the night. It's more like a local bar, so everybody knows everybody and they just hang out. Last night, at its busiest, there were 11 people there. Then, by 10pm, everyone had left. We were playing for the bartender, the waitress, and the owner. So, we took a long break until two ladies came in. Then we played for them until about 11:30 (we're scheduled to play until 11). As we were about to pack up, an older couple came in and asked the bartender how long the band was going to go. He said, "I think that's their last song." And, I guess she has issues with that kind of thing, because she went a little psycho on her husband. "This is s***! Pay the f***ing tab, if they're not f***ing playing I'm not staying here to drink!" Apparently someone down the street had been telling people that the band was playing until midnight. Sorry about that. Always a good story at J. Durham.

I have two regrets in this band. First, I should've never even implied that I could ever sing a note anywhere near in tune. Now, every gig I've got a microphone in front of me, and if I don't use it, the singer will push it into my face and look at me until I sing. I joined this band because it was a chance to play some cool, challenging, instrumental pseudo-jazz music with some experienced musicians. Then, after a personnel change, our bass player married a singer, and now we're a vocal band. Most of our night is pop music, which I can play anywhere. I want to play music, not accompany a singer. I do that in every other band. And I certainly don't want to sing harmonies to "It's Too Late" or "We Are Family." I'm not hugely upset at the number of gigs we've gotten since the change, but what's the point playing more often when it's not the type of outlet I need. Maybe this is the inspiration I need to begin working on my own music. It's a thought. We'll see. ... Oh, my second regret? Admitting that I could play "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" .... and sing it.

I'm gonna finish "Just Friends" with my wife.

Easter Festivities

2008-03-20T22:16:00.004-05:00

Bethany and I are about to have our first and last Easter. Well, not our last, technically, but from now on the festivities will probably lean more towards what's fun for the child. Although, I doubt it. We colored eggs today, it was fun with no kids involved. We started with off-brand colors, but after we realized there was no "magic crayon" i ran to the store and got some Paas colors. How exciting is this ... it came with tattoos. They're for either the eggs or skin. I'll wait till Easter sunday to put one on my skin. That'll look good on the 2nd Baptist big screen. Here's a few pictures of our work.

Mrs. Easter

The Chicken winds up and walks and lays gum eggs (I found that myself)

One for each of the possible baby genders

"Peeps." The real meaning of Easter

Prayer Hour

2008-03-15T14:17:00.004-05:00

This is a video I was hired to underscore. "Pastor Shepherd" is the father of one of my guitar students. Obviously, this is satire, so don't take it too seriously. He's got several different videos on YouTube, but so far I think this is the funniest one.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Life is good. Bethany and I somehow got ourselves on a crazy sleeping schedule this week where we go to bed between 3-4am and sleep till 11-12. It works ok for us during the week, since she works till almost midnight anyway, but Sunday's gonna come tomorrow morning, and my body is going to hate me for waking up in "the middle of the night" when 7am rolls around.

We've started looking at new living options once the baby arrives. We'll probably stay at these apartments until our lease is up in Nov. We'd love to move into a house, but are a little overwhelmed by some of the costs involved. Especially since we really hadn't been saving or preparing for this yet. We're just to the point where I feel like our monthly finances have started to settle enough to figure out a budget. But nooooooo, now we've gotta turn everything around and focus on the future more. I'm very thankful that we got our life insurance taken care of before we found out about the baby. I would never have even known where to start thinking about all that stuff, so thanks to our agent Jarred for calling me and gently explaining everything.

Life is definitely coming at us fast. Seems like just a year ago we were dating. Oh yeah, we were just dating a year ago. We weren't even engaged yet. Now, we're looking at houses, shopping for baby furniture, and deciding which instruments our kids will play! I'm only slightly freaked out. I don't mean that sarcastically, either. I'm happy about all the changes. I'm excited to have a family.

This is Josh, signing off.

Honeymoon Pics

2008-03-13T00:30:00.001-05:00

Our honeymoon was in Italy. We spent a few days in Rome, then headed north to Florence for a few days, then over to Venice for a few days, then back to Rome again. We were gone for 9 days, and loved every minute.

Visiting the Colosseum

A Square in Florence

Beautiful bride

Sticking our hands in the mouth of the thing

GELATO!

Looooooong train ride

Friendly birds in Venice

A Few More Wedding Pics

2008-03-11T01:45:00.002-05:00

More Wedding Pictures

2008-03-11T01:29:00.006-05:00

Catching Up

2008-03-11T00:42:00.008-05:00

I didn't really post much between November and February, so I'm going to do that now. During that time I got married, and honeymooned in Italy. Here's a few pictures from the ceremony, if you didn't get to see it:

Baby Update!

2008-03-10T13:31:00.004-05:00

Here's the latest Smith family portrait! We saw the doctor last Thursday, and got a new ultrasound. We tried to listen to the heartbeat, but they said it's probably a little bit too early to hear it. But, we did see it fluttering on the ultrasound. Just for your reference, the head is the part on the left there. We got to see the "neuro"-something line that will become the spinal chord. It's entirely surreal.

Bethany is doing well, I guess. Considering she's got another life inside of her, she's doing wonderfully. She's exhausted and sore and feeling sick most of the time, which I don't like. There's not really much I can do to stop all that, so I'm doing my best to help keep her comfortable and I'm trying to help around the house when I can.

Any huge life-change brings with it the need for, of course, new technology. So, I'm in the market for a new camcorder and digital camera with which to document the months and years ahead. I'm taking suggestions and tips, so if you know anything about those let me know. The camcorder just needs to be easy to use and have a decent picture. I'd like the digital camera to be affordable, but capable of professional-looking photos.

Nothing Important

2008-03-03T22:51:00.002-06:00

I don't really have anything profound to say today. I'm just kind of restless and bored, so I thought I'd post a picture, talk about what's been happening lately, and just kill some more time.

I'm off today. I like days off. I started out really slow today, though, by waking up around noon, and going straight to the computer. That usually sets up my day to be all about bumming around on the computer. Then I decide to take a break for my eyes, and sit in front of the TV. Not a very productive day, but if I'm not spending money, I have no problems sitting around not making any.

I didn't even answer my phone today. Sometimes I just can't talk to people about what they want from me next. I need a day to think that I control what I do. So, I'm sorry if I screened your call today, but more than likely you were calling me to tell me something I need to do or somewhere I need to be, and it can wait. I honestly believe that the convenience of cell phones is more for the owner, not the caller. I don't have a phone so everybody can get a hold of me whenever they want. Certain people have that privilege, of course, but I need the ability to be unreachable sometimes.

One thing I did today was play a bit on my Rhodes 88. I don't do that much, mostly because it doesn't sound that great right now. It needs some servicing, which I could do myself, I just don't really know how. And I don't know where to take it in Houston, so it's just going to sit most of the time for now, looking THIS COOL:

Cool story about that piano. A guy at my dad's church was wanting to get rid of it and told my dad about it, but had given it to someone else. So my dad was talking to the new owner, and he didn't really need it, he just didn't want it to be thrown away. So, he got it for me. Now I have a 1978 Rhodes suitcase piano. It's missing the amp, but works Ok if I just plug into another amp from the accessory output.

I scored my first "soundtrack" last week. It wasn't anything big, just a 30 second commercial for my church's Easter service. It was a bit frustrating, because they didn't give me much time to do it. But, I was excited about the opportunity, so I stayed up all night Wednesday working on it. The next morning, after maybe 2-3 hours sleep, everybody that heard it loved it, then I got the "but.....it's not exactly what we were hoping for." I was supposed to copy some other commercial they were basing theirs off, but I was given reference to movies and soundtracks that didn't sound like the original commercial. I changed elements of it over and over, until they were somewhat happy. After 7 drafts, I finally have 30 seconds of music. Even so, they wanted me to change stuff, but I couldn't do any more. It's not mixed/mastered yet, so here's the rough version:

I find it interesting that the colors of dark chocolate M&M's are slightly lighter than milk chocolate M&M's. They also taste better.

I can't wait till this kid is born, then I can share all of that wisdom with him/her.

As if marriage wasn't enough...

2008-02-23T12:42:00.004-06:00

It's an age old story:

Boy meets girl before he can remember,

boy and girl keep in touch their whole lives,

boy and girl eventually date after college,

boy and girl get married November 17, 2007...

...and find out they're 6 weeks pregnant February 19, 2008.

I know, most guys would spring for a nice card or flowers for the Three Month-iversary, but not me. I decided on something more lasting.

So, the questions begin, right? Here I'll answer them before you ask:

- No we weren't trying
- Yes, we're THRILLED!
- It's not a honeymoon baby
- We were on birth control (my boys can just swim)

We've got tons of nervous excitement, and from my perspective, the next 8 months are going to be FOREVER long. But I get a cute little pregnant wife. That's kinda fun.

Check back here every few weeks and I'll post updates on the new baby and other things.

Alot Going On

2007-11-04T14:46:00.002-06:00

There is way too much happening lately. I feel like I'm being completely run over by life. Not that everything is bad, there's just so much going on, it's hard to keep up.

I finally "finished" my latest recording project. That's a long story that needs not be repeated. We'll just say I learned alot, and I'm glad it's over. You can probably find it somewhere in the near future. Myspace, or something. I honestly don't care. And I hate that this is my attitude about it all. But, I find that "I don't care" is much easier than continuing to be upset over circumstances. I've got better things to think about lately.

This week has been crazy busy. The absolute highlight of my week was Thursday night, when I saw Bethany for maybe 3 hours. It's getting harder and harder to be apart from her. I wasn't expecting that. It might be because our times together have gotten shorter and shorter, and have recently included other people (we're really fond of time spent between just the two of us). Maybe I'm realizing I need her more than I knew before. I'm a guy, so I'm not supposed to be open about that, am I? I need her, though. It's becoming that much more frustrating, though, that she's not here with me. I could write for another three hours on how I feel about that, but I won't. I have less than two weeks to survive before she can be with me. And the first thing we're doing once we're together is going on a long vacation ... I can't complain about that.

Beyond seeing her a few hours this week, I feel like I've played every ounce of musical creativity I can muster. Literally, within one week, I played with a salsa band, a jazz band, a country band, a worship band, an acousti-folk artist, and a church orchestra. I'm spent, but there's one more gig tonight. Then I get to move into our new apartment tomorrow, assuming the power company will provide an account number before then, so we can prove we bought power and can move in.

It was quite a pain this week, trying to get everything the power company needed from me. They needed stuff faxed to them, or scanned and emailed, and I couldn't do either of those from home, so I had to fit in everything in between teaching lessons at Second Baptist. Oh yeah, and my car was broken into Monday, so there's been that to deal with this week. They stole a ton of stuff, most of it critical to my work, so I've been trying to figure out how to replace it. Bethany's jewelry (ALL of it) was stolen, so I've been trying to buy her stuff here and there so she's got something to wear on our honeymoon.

I'm tired of the attacks. I'm tired of the Enemy trying to sabotage our wedding and marriage. Maybe that's too pentecostal of me to point to demonic attack for stuff ... but I can't figure out what else it could be. Why else would cell phones all of a sudden stop sounding clear, and never have signal when bethany and I needed to talk? It's the one form of communication we have, and it frustrates us more than allows us to talk. Why else would my car get broken into the week before my busiest gigging weekend in a while, and three weeks before our wedding? Why else would her jewelry have been left in my car that one time? Why is there something new wrong with my car every time i walk outside to drive it? There's other things. ... There's TONS of other things. Too many list, and too personal to talk about.

I dunno, maybe every guy goes through this when they're so close to marriage, and can't see their fiancee more than a few hours a week, if that. Almost there. My next post will either be more depressing or post-wedding. See ya

What I'm Learning

2007-10-09T22:22:00.001-05:00

I could probably title this: "What's really frustrating me right now" ... but I'm choosing to remain positive. It's true that the harder you work out, the stronger you become; I'm learning the same is true in life when it comes to character.

It feels like, lately, every aspect of my life is being tested and stretched. In my work, my abilities and creative output have been questioned, and at times, rendered useless. In love, my patience and perseverence have been stretched, and my true nature has been laid bare before me. In my personal life, I feel run down, overwhelmed, and stressed out, almost to the point where I can't see relief coming, which is scary.

I don't really see the need to run down the details of all of these problems, just share what conclusions I've made, and am continuing to make.

The opinions of others don't (or, at least shouldn't) decide who I am as a musician, and what is considered "good" or "bad." I have the bittersweet opportunity, currently, to find myself in very diverse musical situations from day to day. The hardest thing for me is to remember that what is "cool" in one circle is most likely not cool in another. This means everything from dress to relating to others to actual notes played. It's very hard for me, then, to find any identity in those things. That might be the biggest benefit of it all. I can't tell people "I'm a worship musician" or "I'm a jazz musician" because I'm only those things one night a week. I guess what I'm learning through this is that you have to know your audience. I get SO frustrated (or, if you know me well enough, you know it's more anger than frustration) when something that I'm proud of, musically, gets rejected or ridiculed by another person. Recently I was producing a CD, and I had written an interlude for an artist's song. I had been given freedom to create a mood and mold this song. After several recording sessions, and hours of work writing, recording, and editing this music, the artist told me they "hated" what i wrote, and we had to cut it out. It was the wrong "vibe" for the song. What ticked me off was that it was my favorite part of the song, as it was everyone else who had heard it to that point. But, as a producer, I'm to be submissive to the artist, and the music was cut out. There was so much I wanted to say, and I could've defended my 8 bars for hours, but I wasn't paying for it, so my opinion was useless. That's a hard place to be in. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance my thoughts when I'm hired to do a job based on my abilities, and then because I'm "hired," my abilities are at the mercy of whoever likes or doesn't like my work. Here's a tip for anyone that has someone else write music for them: Your opinions are welcome, usually, but use tact. To say you "hate" what someone has spent time and creativity and experience to write screams loudly "I'm not as good as you and I'm going to use what little power I have to make myself feel better than you." ... and it hurts.

I'm almost married. May God hasten the day. I think weddings are beautiful, but I think they're also a tool of the enemy. Don't assume I'm just a guy that doesn't like picking colors and decorations. (I am, just don't assume that's what this is about). I think that the time before the marriage is probably the most important part of courtship. True selves are becoming revealed, comfortability is being found (both good and bad), and lives are very close to changing forever. At the same time, all attention and effort and energy is going into planning an event. A social event. Decor is chosen, details are fought over, and all of our identity is placed into what color or music or food we choose. What better thing to distract a couple that should be learning how to love each other than a huge, life-consuming project that blends dreams and desires and disapointments and deadlines. Not "blends" like a nice combination, but "blends" like the blades that frappe ice and fruit and powders to create nasty protein shakes that dont' taste good but are supposedly good for you. ... I digress. What am I learning? Marriage is not going to make me happy. She can't make me happy. Marriage is a mirror that reveals our filth and selfishness and pride, and somehow can bring us closer to God. She can't complete me, and shouldn't ... that's asking way to much of another human being.

So, those are some of the main things I'm finding out lately. There's tons more, but I've already written enough. Maybe I'll think of some more big ones and continue this later. Oh, one more thing I'm learning: You choose positiveness. It might be in your personality to lean towards negative or positive, but either way, you can choose to think positively and find the best in situations. I don't know how to do this, but I know that it's a choice. Anybody that knows how can tell me. Thanks.

Right now...

2007-06-29T13:44:00.002-05:00

I'm always wary about what to write on these blogs. I mean, how much
should I really reveal about myself to whatever random person decides
to read this?

I'm a very private person. I am extremely choosey about who I decide
to open up to. I'm untrusting. I can't tell if that's a good thing or
a bad thing.

I can tell that I'm in an annoyingly loud Starbucks, and I'm
putting in headphones. They are singing the orders in broadway musical
voices, which is just a little too much excitement for my barely awake
mind. Yes, 1:15pm, barely awake.

So, back to my privacy. I struggle between desiring community and
openness and transparency, and my own tendencies to be reserved and
private. I don't like overbearing people all up in my business. I'm
intensely independent, to the point that I'm almost offended if a
suggestion comes at the wrong time from the wrong person. It takes
alot for me to feel comfortable around other people. It takes a strong
confidence that I don't often have.

I guess I don't mind when people suggest things to me, but I think
people might confuse my lack of action or word as a loss for
direction. That's usually not true. I think before I act, and most
likely I'll have a whole situation worked out before I make the first
move.

Maybe it just freaks me out to think that people observe me and take
notice of what I do and say. I usually just want to sneak by
unnoticed. I don't like attention much, I get uncomfortable when I'm
singled out of a group (even family and close friends). I like to
quietly do my thing. I like one-on-one conversations and interactions.

I've been realizing some of the inner struggles of my heart and mind
over the last few years, as I've gotten to know some of the inner
struggles of another heart. It's been scary, it's been frustrating.
I'm sure we all fight with some sort of self-righteousness. I thought
I was humble. Ha! I'm much more selfish than I could have imagined. I
do believe, though, that a close relationship (such as marriage)
should reveal your selfishness or it's not doing its job. I'm
overwhelmed right now with who I am, but I'm confident that God is
working in me, and using Bethany to shape me into the man I'm supposed
to be.

I get overwhelmed when I look at who I wish I was, or who I could be
right now. "If only I'd read my Bible every day in college," "If only
I had a church home for those 6 years I was playing at different
churches each week," "If only I was more spiritual, then I'd be more
apt to get out and serve and less apt to sit around wishing I was more
spiritual and ready to be out serving and making a difference." It's
sad for me to look back and miss how things were in 9th grade.

I've got enough smarts to know, though, that God loves and can use the
man I am right now... this unshowered, unshaved, quiet guy, sitting in
the Starbucks, missing his fiancee, wondering if he's good enough for
her, ashamed at his current heart condition, trying to remember if
he's always been this quiet or if it's a result of too much time spent
alone... that guy. God can use me now. Maybe the forced smile I gave
to the Waffle House waitress today was just what she needed. Maybe the
bottled water I gave the weasely lawn guy that I don't trust was
exactly what he was praying for, if he does pray.

Yes, God can use me for bigger things. Or, God could not use me at
all. Why do I always think God has to use me for huge things? God
doesn't need me. At all. I forget that real life is ministry. I keep
thinking God's about to allow me these huge oppertunities, so I sit at
home waiting for them, and come out sometimes, but don't interact with
people if I can help it, and I treat "small" gigs like nuisances. I'd
probably find more joy if I was a little more involved in life's
details.

I hope that wasn't too revealing. I guess we all have this desire to
be known, just some of us lack the courage and voice to let ourselves
be known. Even more, I think, we have a desire to be known, and loved
in light of it.

Let's Move

2007-01-28T23:59:00.001-06:00

I was thinking about this today on a long drive.

Places I Would Want To Live In For a Few Years:
Italy
London
SoCal
Dallas
Houston
Austin
Las Vegas
Virginia

Places I Would Want To Live In For a Year:
New York
L.A.
Boston
Florida
Germany
Austria
Nashville
Seattle
Portland

Places I Need To Visit Still:
Greece
Scotland
New England
South America

Favorite Smaller Towns in America:
Jackson, MS
Eugene, OR
Pasadena, CA
Destin, FL
Lake McConaughey, NB

Maybe these lists are not complete. I like alot of places.

Music

2007-01-11T15:43:00.001-06:00

Ok, it's a general topic, very wide in its scope. So let's narrow it
down to "what music is."

I was reading some reviews of an album on iTunes today, and I came
across the phrase, "If you don't like this album, you don't understand
what music is." I'll be honest, that made me laugh. Who made
LaterGator the expert on what music is?

It's something I've dealt with for the past few years as I've grown
musically and been put into some very differing musical situations:
What is music?

I play with those who would say that music is art, that it's an
expression, and only the most organic, bare, poetic, honest portrayals
of human life and existence are worth listening to. All it takes is a
way with words, a few chords, and an unpolished, moody voice, and
you've got art. Anyone can do it.

I'll be honest, that approach upsets me. Why did I spend so many hours
of my life so far perfecting skills, researching history and
technique, and ridding myself of the rawness that some people see as
"art?"

So then, is the only true music the disciplined arts? Is the purest
form of expression found with complete mastery of the medium being
expressed? I love to hear people who are proficient (at least) on
their instruments. There is something inspiring about listening to
someone who has given much of their time and thought into mastering a
skill. It is a truer talent, however, when you can mix that
proficiency with emotion and communication. Those are things that
can't necessarily be taught. They separate good from great.

Can you be proficient and not expressive? Yes. Music can become
mathematical and methodical, as can anything (love, religion, visual
arts). I've heard plenty of concerts that sounded like a reciting of
notes rather than a portrayal of art. You can tell the difference
between good acting and bad acting, right? A high school play going to
be different from a blockbuster movie. Is that because the high school
students don't have something to say? Or is it because the big actors
have spent years training and gaining experience?

But does music have to express something to be good? Does it have to
reveal something profound about life and the human condition? If I may
complain about something, I don't like the word "cheesy." I've known
people that have a self-proclaimed "high cheesy meter." I've never
known any aspect of music to be more subjective than "cheesiness."
What you see as cheesy, I might see as fun. What I see as cheesy, you
might see as cool or modern. I think most rap music is cheesy, but for
some reason it sells, and people listen to it. Everything Fergie has
released is cheesy, but she's always on the top of the iTunes
downloads. I think some of the music I listen to could be considered
cheesy, but I also see the skill of the players, and can't call that
cheesy. Do you think classical music is cheesy? I could give you just
as many reasons why it's genious.

I'm tired of typing now. I never intended to end this with a
conclusion of "this specific music is real music." If you like it,
it's music to you. Just everybody stop saying their music is real
music. As much as I hate to admit it, rap is music. Pointellism is
technically music. Atonality is music, as much as Emo. I guess I am
now the expert, so if I say music is real music, then I'm correct,
right? I'm not afraid of people having differing opinions, I just
don't like those who put down another opinion to lift up their own. I
don't have to like rap or hip hop, but I won't think you're dumb for
liking it. It makes you happy, just like bluegrass or classical makes
me happy, then you should like it. Tha'ts all I have to say today.
Stay cool.

- josh

What's wrong with the world?

2006-10-23T14:00:00.001-05:00

I've spent the last hour or so listening to 30 second clips on iTunes.
It started with "Chicken Noodle Soup," the newest dance craze from
Harlem. I try to understand, but I don't. I guess there might be some
place for music to be used simply to provide a beat to move to, rather
than contain some melodic or lyrical idea that is profound or
beautiful or useful. I moved on from there to the Itunes Essentials,
going back through the late 90's and remembering all the old songs I
used to listen to. That was fun.

I caught some hint from my Grandma that she wasn't enjoying "Mmmbop"
and "Truly Madly Deeply," so I switched to "40's Pop." And here's the
point. Music back then was GOOD. It was catchy without losing much
depth, it was fun, it was masterfully played and sung, it was arranged
with thought and skill. I was listening to extremely tight harmonies
sung WITHOUT digital pitch correction. It was practically flawless.
Now, singers can't even harmonize to their own pre-recorded voices in
simple intervals without fixing the pitch. These guys were singing
complex harmonies and moving in unison in pitch. Makes me sick.

I love technology and the way it can help us make good records now,
but I would almost give it up to know that music can still be made
well by actual musicians who can play and sing. Maybe then there'd be
less crap out there like "Chicken Noodle Soup" and more actual music.
I dunno, maybe I'm just jealous I can't sing those harmonies or play
perfectly every time. But I'm also challenged to continue to strive to
play well, and not settle for "fixing it in the mix."

Something to think over

2006-09-17T16:41:00.001-05:00

"I can never be a true disciple of Jesus Christ until I adequately despise sin. It is not enough for me to abandon sin; I must loathe it. God refers to sin in terms of beastliness, the stubborn horse, the wily snake, the mud-loving pig. That is not accidental. The beast does what is natural to it; its behavior is instinctive, and it is not redeemable. The beastliness of sin represents sin in its farthest distance from God, not merely that which is different from God, but that which is opposite. My true feeling about sin is never reflected about sin in general; it is always about sin in me. God never redeems abstractions or principles; He redeems people. Until I can loathe the sin I commit, I will never understand God's attitude toward my sin.

To be a true disciple of Christ I must see the beastliness of sin before it works its devastation upon me. I must hate it everlastingly. I must never lose my grip on the fact that it was my very own sin that drove Jesus to tears, to loud outcries, to moaning and groaning, and to the bloody nails. When I feel this way about my sin, I will understand Isaiah's 'Woe is me' and what it means to be cleansed with a coal from the altar."

W. Glynn Evans

Life-changer... right here

2006-09-16T11:57:00.001-05:00

That video right there has just changed my life. Two reasons. Firstly, that song is actually good. Who knew? This is a good example of how production, albeit catchy, can completely distract from a song. Secondly, ... ok, I think there was only one reason it changed my life. No, two. Here's the other reason. This relatively unknown Christian band has this cool video on YouTube, and all of a sudden, people start wondering who this Obadiah Parker band is. I know I did. Their internet music sales have gone way up in the last few months, and people know who they are. I guess that just shows that there's no one way to success or popularity in entertainment.

I'm in California this month, touring with Matt Brouwer. It's going really great so far. I'll have more updates later.

Liquid Silver

2006-08-30T03:42:00.001-05:00

I saw my reflection across the room
Thought I was beautiful
But You gently took me, wiped my dust away
Said I could be beautiful, so beautiful

The crucible hurts me, as it changes my form
How can I be beautiful?
I'm totally liquid and starting to boil
You say I'll be beautiful, so beautiful

You stir me and sift me, the dross floats away
When will I be beautiful?
The fire, it still burns me, I'm filling my mold
You're making me beautiful, so beautiful

Removing the heat, You reveal my new form
Oh God, am I beautiful?
You see Your reflection, and smile at Your work
And say "Child, now you're beautiful, so beautiful"

"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one
refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon
my name,and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people';and
they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'" Zech 13:9 (esv)

Growing Up- Spending Money to Make Money

2006-08-23T16:05:00.001-05:00

I'm 25. That just happened last week. I used to write in my journal the day before my birthday on all the milestone years (16, 18, 21) to kind of check in on how life was going at that point in my life. I haven't really done that yet this year. My birthday slipped by me so fast, I barely even feel like it happened. It's strange, since for my whole life, since I have a summer birthday, I've never worked or gone to school on my birthday. It's always been a free day to do whatever I wanted. The last three years, I've been playing somewhere all day on my birthday. Life seems to be getting busier. I can't say that's a good thing, but it's better than being bored and poor, right? I've never been the poster child of time management (unless it was those posters that said "don't end up like this guy, he doesn't get it"). Balance comes with regularity, doesn't it? Can I have a sporadic schedule and make it feel routine?

Check that out. I bought a new toy last week. It was completely impulsive and entirely awesome. I was with a friend at Brook Mays in Katy, he was looking for a digital stage piano. So I asked our dealer if he had any great deals that were just stupid good. So he showed me this piano, and I played a few notes and couldn't believe it. Clear low end, power in the middle, sweet high end. It was a 1922 Vose & Sons piano, with new strings, bridges and felts. It was gently priced, and they offered some financing options, so I figured it was a good investment. So now I own a grand piano. Never thought that would happen, especially at 25 still living at home. I just can't wait to get it tuned. I've gotta let it chill in the house for about a month before they can tune it. That day will rock.

Southern California Tour

2006-04-10T14:12:00.001-05:00

(Begun in April, 2006)....

I've been in California the last 3 days on tour with Matt. It's been a pretty good trip so far. The weather of course has been amazing. I don't miss humidity, not one bit.

Friday I got to spend the night at my older brother's place with his girls. He got to have them all weekend so I made sure I got to spend some time with them. I got there about 12:30am and Hope (4) was sleeping on the living room floor on her little sleeping bag. Next to her was another sleeping bag and pillow she had set out for me before she went to sleep. I couldn't just pass that up and sleep on the couch, so I got on the floor and went to sleep. Both girls decided that 6:30 was a good time to get up, so that's what we did. We watched a few Dora the Explorer episodes and had some breakfast. Then Cory and I took the girls to Disneyland. That was great fun. There were so many people there, but it was a beautiful day. The girls were insane and we had quite a time trying to keep them in line. My arms are still sore from carrying Hope most of the day.

Sunday we were at Calvary Chapel Antelope Valley, which was great. Such a cool church, seemed like a great community of believers. Afterwards they took us out to eat. I haven't eaten that much food in a while. Of course it was my first real meal in 24 hours. I was sitting next to a woman who lived right down the street from Erin Brockavich back when her story was going on. She didn't have an immune system. It was interesting. That evening we were in Redlands at Calvary Chapel there. It went pretty well. We got into a great conversation with the music director there. He's an amazing man of God who is serving in a church coming from a life of professional (reeeeeally big time) music.

(Completed August, 2006)...

It's been some time since i first drafted this blog. I kind of lost interest in this blog site, not really sure what the point of it is. But I was reading some friends' blogs and got re-inspired to continue to think out loud on the internet.

To finish my last writings, I will attempt to remember some of what Kim Hutchinson, the music director at Calvary Redlands, said to us that night in April.

This is a man who, in the mid-80's, could turn on a radio in any city, and within 3 songs he could hear himself, either in his band, or songs he had played saxophone on. He was Quincy Jones' go-to guy for horns. He's on Michael Jackson albums. His band was travelling the country playing shows. He was making it.

Over some time, his band fell apart and he started losing gigs ... his purpose seemed hazy (what good is a musician that's not getting to play music?), his career, as it seemed, was over. Now he's "just a worship leader," it would appear from the outside that now he has fallen so low that a church is the only place he can play.

Well, that's how most people might see it. Here's his take on it.

Kim told me that we, especially musicians, tend to find our identity in "what we do" rather than "who we are." I would say this could include most people in any kind of performance- or art-based careers. It can be devastating when what we do is taken from us, because along with it goes our identity, our purpose, our goals.

But it is God's desire for us to know our identity and, even more importantly, to know that our identity is found in Him as His children. Sometimes it works out best for Him to take away what we do. Then, once our false identity is out of the way, we can learn who we are. Once we know who we are, it doesn't really matter as much what we do. So, in Kim's case, God took away what he did (although he still was very good at it, the oppertunities weren't there), and showed him who he was: a Christian, a husband, a father. Then, God gave back what he did, but it was in a different light. It didn't matter if he was playing for Michael Jackson's albums or filling in for the church band. His identity wasn't found in how big the gig was, but in who he was as a person.

Now, Kim directs the music for Calvary Chapel Redlands. He doesn't stand in the front and sing, and he rarely plays sax. He plays keyboards off to the side. If he played sax with that band, he would smoke any of those musicians and all attention would be on him. Instead, as a leader, he humbles himself to play an instrument he's not as comfortable on, and submit to the singer's leadership. He's completely happy, doesn't miss the road or the fame, and is content to serve God in the same place each week with the same people.

I'm still trying to find my identity in Christ. I'll be honest and say I'm not there yet. I feel useless sometimes when I'm not on a stage. I worry that God will take away what I do. More than that, I want to know who I am, because I know what I do will matter less. But I still like what I do. I don't want to lose it. But, ultimately (I think), I trust that if God takes away what I do, I will be able to find out who I am, and He will provide for my needs somehow.

Back Home

2006-03-19T23:22:00.001-06:00

I really don't like the drive between Abilene and Houston. There's not much to look at, and today was worse because it was cloudy and just plain dreary. Plus I was pretty upset that I had to miss a concert tonight in Houston. It's not that I get mad over missing out on entertainment, the band is looking for a new keyboard player, and I was supposed to meet the leader and check out the band to see if it's something I would fit in to. But some poor communication led to us having to play this morning in Abilene, which I was assured would not happen. So, we left later than we should've and I missed the concert. Maybe some other time, I guess. I ended up hanging out with my friend, Seth, and we went to his house and watched Arrested Development. It's a pretty funny show. I was expecting to have at least one check sitting at home waiting for me, since I haven't been paid for three gigs. But, there were no checks. Why does my life suck financially right now? I'm in debt, I'm not getting paid on time for the work I'm doing, and I've got so many other things I need to get done, especially medically, and I can't afford them. I trust God with my money, He gives and takes away. I'm not too worried about it, but I just wish I could have lots of money and not worry about it.

Speaking of "giving and taking away," we were playing "Blessed Be Your Name" last night, and the kids were super rowdy. It was almost uncomfortable, but we kept going. Then some kid decides to jump up on stage, do a little dance ("caucasian clap" or something like it), and then crowd surf. The only problem was he jumped into a "crowd" of about four girls, and they all moved out of the way. He landed right on the concrete floor and didn't get up for about half a chorus. But he did eventually get up and looked quite in some pain, but no ambulances were called, I think he'll live. It was a memory, though.

Next up for me this week is a recording day in College Station, then back on the road Thursday for a few days. I just found out there might be a Hopedoor reunion gig, as if there haven't already been enough. I'm the only one not involved at the moment, but that might change.

Tales from the road

2006-03-18T21:18:00.000-06:00

I'm in Abilene, TX this weekend with Matt Brouwer and the band. It's been interesting. So much down time, which is usually not a bad thing. It just bugs me some when we show up at 3:30 and don't play until 9, or like today when they said we'd play at 8:30, and here it is 9:21 and I'm in the green room blogging.

This morning we got a few phone calls on the hotel phone. I think before 10am we had 4 phone calls and 2 knocks on the door. One knock was housekeeping, which we ignored, and the second was some kid that knocked and ran. One of the calls was a prank call, which annoyed me. The other three were housekeeping. The first was a lady asking me if we needed housekeeping, so i said later, not now. The second was her telling me the maids couldn't clean in the afternoon and if i wanted housekeeping it had to be this morning. I'm thinking by now it was like noon or 1, and so i told her we didn't want housekeeping at all, then. Then i realized how early it was. Not even 10am. I wish our society would let musicians sleep sometimes. At least don't make us feel bad for not wanting a service they provide. They act as though it is a bad thing we don't want our beds made. If we don't want housekeeping, it's really our loss, so they shouldn't care so much.

I'm newly interested in the show "The Office." We've watched like 7 episodes during our waiting periods here in the green room at the Hardin-Simmons theater, and it's been quite entertaining. So, besides that I'm trying to get caught back up with "Lost," since I haven't seen the last 4 or 5 episodes. And this week, I'm starting the first season of 24. I've been watching this season, but now I can see how we got to where we are now. Well, alright. The rappers are a-rappin', so it's time to wait in the wings. Bye.

I'm here

2006-03-18T18:24:00.001-06:00

I got tired of the Myspace blog. I dunno, this type seems so much more inspiring. I hope this stays interesting.

I've been dealing with alot of stuff lately, mostly in my mind. I like to think through problems and come to conclusions on my own, because I'm never sure what to believe, or who to trust. But I have a physical condition that has to do with blood sugar levels, which affects my mood very often. This means that one moment I might be perfectly fine, joking around, and normal, then a few minutes later I could be quiet and reserved and, if you know me well enough, quite moody and possibly a "jerk." I don't mean to be that way. In those times, i feel depressed and tired. I become pessimistic and physically feel a heaviness right around and behind my eyes. I can't focus, so it's hard for me to make conversation or be social.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, because I'm hoping to begin fighting this. There are steps I can take to prevent feeling this way, they just require me to change my lifestyle slightly. This means being bound by a more specific diet and eating schedule, which sucks. I really don't want to be enslaved to this mortal body, but it looks like that's what needs to be done. I'm still developing some kind of plan about it, so it will take some time to find a routine that works for me. I've been avoiding this for a long time, but now I'm tired of how it's affecting me. I don't know what it's like to go an entire day without feeling down for a little while. I can't think about things as honestly as I'd like because I never know how my blood sugar is affecting my thoughts. So, half the time my mind is in turmoil, fighting between what I know is true and what I feel. This goes for any subject, whether politics, religion, love, even music.

Thanks for reading. I promise I will write more entertaining things in the future. Stay tuned, friends. There's some travels coming up, always a few good stories to come from those.