Worship style

Wow, that topic could spur a blog or two.

I thought this would be a microblog, but ended up being a little longer than I planned. These are just a few quick thoughts I had after seeing a picture of a friend leading worship, and on the screen behind them were the lyrics to a hymn. So, I thought, "Oh, they're more spiritual because they're doing a hymn. Obviously the deeper theology in the hymns means their worship is better."

Then I stopped to think. What would I say if the words were the newest contemporary hit? "Oh, they're on the cutting edge of playing all the new songs that God wants to hear."

So I thought through my experience of leading worship, and all the times either I had to define my style, or someone tried to define my style for me. I've been leading worship in some capacity (either as leader or band member) for at LEAST once a week for the last 15 years or so. Sometimes several times a day. That's alot. When I'm forced to do hymns, I don't want to do them, and when I'm forced to be "cool" and "cutting edge," I prefer the standards.

My problem does not lie with either style. God doesn't care about that stuff.

What God does care about is WHY we do what we do. If a contemporary song fits the emotional state of the culture of a church, then why not just throw your vulnerable hearts onto the altar and sing with all your might? If a hymn is going to strengthen the theology of a group by reminding us how big our God is, and that our words aren't always sufficient, and some other great writers have already expressed what our vernacular could never put on paper, then sing a hymn!

Just don't do hymns to please the hymn lovers. Don't do hymns to remind them of their childhood. Don't do hymns because it's the trendy super-spiritual thing to do. Don't do contemporary because that's what keeps people coming to church. Don't do contemporary because it's what the next church is doing. Don't do contemporary because it's what the cool kids like. Do songs that honor, glorify, and lift up the powerful name of Jesus. Sing them together. Sing them well. Don't distract from what the Spirit is doing by making more of the song than of the One to whom it is sung.

Musicians ... there IS a difference between your Saturday night gig and worship Sunday morning. Let your playing, your stage presence, and your attitude reflect that.

Content ... how about some?

Wow, I left you with a FaceBook survey for my last blog 6 months ago? I'm so sorry. The last 6 months have flown by, of course, but have been pretty good. I'm still working at the church, and Bethany is still part time at her psychiatric hospital (giving, not receiving care). The summer schedule of youth camps was light, but the few we did were really great. The 220 camps were spectacular. God wrestled with our "unbelief" and strengthened our faith in what he can do, and IS STILL DOING here on this earth today.

There were alot of great stories, but one that sticks out in my mind was from Monday evening of camp, in Longview, TX. We were given word of a woman--a friend of one of our leaders--who was diagnosed with cancer and had found out that the cancer had spread to her muscles. I don't know alot about cancer, but I'm sure that's not a good thing. She was going Tuesday morning for a follow-up visit, so we prayed that she would be healed. The report Tuesday evening was that the same doctor that found cancer in her muscles COULD NOT FIND CANCER. Does your God still do miracles?

Besides church and home life, I'm venturing out a little. I'm preparing my songlist so I can get out and start playing some music around Cypress. I'm hoping that will be a good outlet for me, and some extra cash. I'm also getting into composing film/TV music. I did a project for a church this summer that was tons of fun and sort of rekindled a passion I once had to compose for visual media. I'm attending a conference in a few months that will give me some guidelines for getting into this business, hopefully giving me a good step towards some fun projects.

I'm going to let my little girl help me update the last few months, so here's some pictures:

We bought our first house! I think it was the 7th or 8th house we looked at with the realtor. It met all our needs, was in great condition, and was in our price range. We LOVE it and excitedly continue to make it more and more look like "ours."

And finally, two weeks ago, my piano arrived, so it's now a "home."

Bella enjoyed her first trip to a beach this summer, as we went to hang out and lead worship for the youth ministry at our church.

She's getting older. Somehow each stage of life gets better than the last.

Two weeks ago, she turned 1! Our little girl is walking all over the place, into EVERYTHING. She is so much fun to play with. She mimics us, and even copies the inflections in our voices. She's saying several syllables, and a few actually mean something. What a joy.

Church Marketing

This might be one of those "don't get me started" blogs that is, in reality, a "you can't stop me" blog. 

I work in a church. Ask me a year ago if I thought I'd be working in a church. Ask me a year ago if I WANTED to work in a church. .... the answer is no, in case you don't catch sarcasm easily. Ask me 6 months ago when I went to work at a church if I wanted to work in a church. Still, no. Ask me, right now, if I want to work in a church ... you hopefully are catching on, now. 

I went a long time without being in a church regularly. I WENT to churches, mostly for musical reasons, but I wouldn't consider any church a "home" church. Heathenistic, I know, but I have no problem BEING the Church as opposed to GOING TO the church. 

But now I'm back. I'm in the same place every week, and what's more, I'm on staff, and I get to see all the little details that make a church function. This was no mystery to me; I grew up a pastor's kid, so I know that church is more than songs and sermons. But as the Church is changing, it's interesting (and scary, and frustrating, and depressing, and hopeless) to see how churches are fighting to keep relevance in the world. 

Just the other day I was thinking about what it was that frustrated me most. I came up with this: I hate marketing. It occurred to me a few weeks ago in a meeting that I really don't know why people go to church. I know why people should go to church. I know why I would go to church if I wasn't employed by one. 

The problem I have is that the reason we should "go to church" (which, preferably, should read "be a part of a church") comes from our spirit, while Church Marketing tends to appeal to our flesh. The spirit is selfless, and so should be our reasons for being in the church. Then why do we spend so much time trying to attract church-goers' flesh? 

Instead of attracting people to a weekly service where their spirit can be refueled (assuming that spirit has been accessed during the week), why do we advertise great music and good speaking? When an event has actual spiritual girth to it, why is the marketed geared towards the food or prizes involved? 

This post is, as usual for me, to ask more questions than give answers. But, I wonder often if we would just let the Holy Spirit be Lord over our churches, and not our marketing team (or pastors who need to be teaching and leading, rather than marketing), how would that affect today's Church? Less people would show up, that's the first thing. While most would see that as the first sign of failure, I honestly see it as the first sign of success, because the people left over would be there for the content, not the context. THEN, those that have come for the right reasons will invite for the right reasons, and will share for the right reasons, and will evangelize for the right reasons, and "make disciples" for the right reasons. THAT'S a Church I want to be a part of. I'm tired of thinking of ways to convince people to join a club, to attend a meeting, to go on missions. We need to stop appealing to flesh and being disappointed when the Spirit doesn't get involved (or worse yet, shocked when He does get involved). Start teaching how to live in the spirit and I think Church Marketing will redeem itself. And it will stop sucking. 

The Return

Hi Reader(s),

If there's one thing you haven't seen in the last few weeks, it's an update from me. So, buckle up. You're about to hear new things, see new pictures, and experience feelings unexplained ... or you will just read me ramble about my life and leave wondering why you wasted your time. 

In order for me to have one of those blogs that everyone keeps returning to, I need to do two things. A) I need to update more often. Sorry about that. B) I need to include links to interesting, thought-provoking sites that influence your life. And C), I need pictures of my cute daughter:

Ok, let's talk about thought-provocation. I really like Larknews.com. I would love to just leave you with that link and let you visit the site and wonder if all of the stories are true. That would entertain me. But, I'll let you in on a secret: the stories are fabricated. But they're pretty funny. 

Here's another picture of my cute daughter:

 We're about to move into a house! Our lease was up in November at the apartment, which is slowly shrinking with a growing baby and her paraphernalia. We've been doing month to month rent since then, with the intention of either buying, or renting for a year before we buy. In December we put in our 2 month notice, and must be out by Feb 15. Financially, we aren't ready to buy yet, and renting for a year is looking a little disappointing. A family in our church found out about our situation, and offered to let us stay in their house while they are living in Russia for the next year. We can stay as long as we need, or as short as we'd like. They are returning for a 3-4 week trip at the end of July, so our goal is to be in our own place by the time they come back. The best part is that we will only have to pay for utilities. So, this should be a great chance for us to save and really make some good decisions about buying a home this summer. 

Hey! Here's Bella:

The worship leading job is going alright. It's not without its share of frustrations, but I'm learning alot. If nothing else, I'm learning about who I am and what I really want out of life and career. 

Way back in, oh, September maybe, I re-read part of a book I started back in college. I don't think I was quite ready for it then, but the part I read in September, I believe, is for me now. It spoke of missions, and going into other cultures. Basically, the most effective missionaries are not those who go in and try to change the culture of the people they are reaching. The most effective missionaries are those that enter a culture, and help to redeem that culture to Christ. 

For example, imagine if someone went to an African tribe and said, "You can't play your tribal drums or do your tribal dances. The drums have been used to summon evil spirits, so they are evil; your dances use your bodies in inappropriate ways, so they are evil, too. You must, basically, be western in your culture, because that's what I know, and so that's what is best." 

All that does is strip the people of their identity, force them into western thought and practice, and turn them off to the gospel message. Mission failed. 

How much more effective would a missionary be if they were to go into a country and help the natives to use their culture to worship God? What if, now, when they played the drums, they were summoning the Holy Spirit? What if their dances were now used to show the tribe the change that God is doing in their lives, and express their gratitude for how He is changing them? 

 

I think our own "Christian Culture" is so focused on changing the world, we forget that God is doing work to redeem the world! That's why our contemporary music used to be forbidden in churches. Why is it Ok now? It's because the Church has slowly allowed God to redeem music, rather than try to change the culture. 

Why am I saying all that? Well, first, just in case you hadn't thought of that before. I had to get out and take a walk after I read those things for the first time, to let it all soak in. It's HUGE. What would happen if we stopped trying to change people and start letting God redeem people? 

Secondly, I think that's where my purpose in leading worship at this specific location is found. I'm in an unusual situation where we are moving from more contemporary to more traditional. I had no intentions of doing a traditional worship service when I came on board, but I don't have any say in the situation. I feel that God has me here, though, to help to redeem the traditional elements. I feel like I'm supposed to help teach true, spiritual, worship through traditional songs--to redeem a culture. 

Wanna see my cute daughter, Bella?

Welp, I wrote more than I thought. I don't want to bore you. That's rule number 4 about blogging. Don't bore your reader. If you've got a little time and want to see what I've been doing instead of blogging, look here. And if you are interested in seeing an article with a super cool picture at the top, look no further than here. If you want to hear something I've recorded on lately, check out this album:  I played strings on "Shoes Untied." 

Since I haven't really blogged since then, Merry Christmas from my family:

Those Were the Days

I remember days when I used to actually read books, and write songs, and journal, and sit down at a piano or guitar for hours. Where did that time go? I even remember days when I would know exactly what I wanted to write in a blog, and I would write it. Most of the time I would be sitting alone at Starbucks, acting like the quiet artistic type. It was so much more inspiring to sit and think that people might wonder what I was writing.

Not that sitting here watching my daughter's eyes get heavy while she swings is not inspiration enough. I can't tell you how overwhelming it is sometimes to stare into her face, or see her grin, and know that this is my daughter.


I'll be honest; I get pretty caught up in the logistics of life these days, and I forget to just sit and observe. Maybe that's the difference between now, and back when I used to read and write and journal. I've always been an observer. I've always quietly placed myself a little outside from the action to watch, learn, and analyze. Now it seems like there's so much to do that I don't have much chance to look around.

I received one of those thought-provoking emails that was forwarded to 30 other people besides me. These are usually thrown right into the trash, but today I read (meaning skimmed) the words that were sent. (BTW, I'll probably die in 7 days for not sending the email to at least 10 people,... so, .... um, my bad). I honestly don't really remember what all it said, I just remember a line that was something like "we've learned to make a living, not a life."

I love that my favorite hobby is my career. I'm thrilled at the experiences and opportunities it has brought my way. Part of me, of course, wants to be "known" as someone who is important to my field. I had a strange observation yesterday of certain circles I used to be in, how they keep rolling, with different personnel; And I don't fit in anymore. Those circles were what I needed at the time, and I moved on. I think that's a healthy way to live and grow. I can't say that my "circle" right now is exactly what I was expecting for this point in my life. But, I also don't think my heightened sense of "entitlement" is of God, so I embrace where I am and what I'm doing as God's provision.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not upset that my career goals for age 27 look different than current reality. How stupid I would be to look at that and wonder where my life's purpose was ... when my life's purpose is 5 feet away in a battery-powered swing (I will NEVER understand why they can't just add a simple A/C adapter to these things).



I've talked about it before, and now is the time where I start speaking things that I know are true, but are harder to believe are true.

I do music. I am not music. "Musician" qualifies me as someone in this society who earns money to provide for a family. I don't do fatherhood, I AM a father. "Husband" is not an activity, it's an identity. In ten years, no one will care which CDs I played on, or which artists I've played for (as if anyone cared now), what will matter is how much love and peace is found in my home. What will matter is how much my daughter trusts me, and how close we are because of quality time spent together. What will matter is how in love I am with my wife, even after 11 years, in my late 30s (*shudder*). Yes, I admit I want my family to be proud of what I do, and what I've done, and continue to have reasons to be proud of my accomplishments. But more than that (naming it, claiming it here), I want for them to be proud of the love they receive from a dad who is there, who pays attention, who teaches, who leads, who provides, and who might be a little quiet and withdrawn at times, just observing the blessings that he has.


This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my own little family. I'm thankful for my dream girl, who liked me enough to marry me and combine our life's journeys. I'm thankful for my little dream girl, a complete surprise and an even more complete joy.

I'm also thankful for Flikr, and my ability to completely ruin a moment. :-) Have a good holiday! Eat more than you should!

I like pictures

It's been a while since I've posted, and I am sorry about that.

I'm going to try to give an update on everything in my life in one post, and show you a few pictures. 1, 2, 3, ... go.

I'm nearing 2 months as a worship leader at a church in Cypress, TX. It's been a pretty good time so far. I'm learning alot, but nothing that's really changing my views of worship, which is reassuring. I'm still convinced that church needs to be simpler than we make it. I'm not so sure God cares about production and presentation as much as we think. Something about man looking at the outer appearance, but God .... something about a heart, i don't know, i heard it once. So, needless to say (well, needless to me), I'm really working hard on heart issues at church. Hopefully the "success" we gain in those matters will overshadow any success or lack of success that we achieve in the numbers game. I can't tell you how lonely it feels sometimes to think that way.


Bella is the most amazing little girl ever, of course. She's starting to smile more and more, which is fun. A few weeks ago we took her to a pumpkin patch and got some great pictures with the pumpkins and in her kitty costume. She's 10 pounds and just got her 2 month shots yesterday. She did really great, and didn't cry too much (because Daddy was holding her). Later in the evening, though, she must've gotten sore or started feeling bad, because she was screaming. It was the first time she's cried like that, poor little thing. Today she's doing great, just swinging and sleeping.


I've had a crazy week. Wednesday night I got to play a pre-Latin Grammies gig at the House of Blues. Originally we were told that it was a party being thrown by Beyonce Knowles, for 600-800 people. I'm not sure how that got confused, because there were only maybe 125, and she wasn't one of them. I heard the next day that Latin Grammy rehearsal ran long, till 1am, so maybe some of those people were supposed to come. I don't know, I just got some fun stage pictures, so I'm happy.

The next night, Thursday, I got to play violin with a string ensemble in the Latin Grammies. We played with Tommy Torres. I'm still waiting to see if anybody posts it on Youtube, but nothing yet. It was a really long day, we were there 13 1/2 hours, and only played for 3 minutes or so. But, it was a great experience, and fun to see behind the scenes of a show like that. Gloria Estefan walked about 20 feet away from us while we were waiting to go onstage.


Bethany is an amazing mother. She went through alot in the last year, leaving her family and cleaving to me, moving in with a boy, having a child. Pretty big adjustments. I'm proud of her. I couldn't ask for a better wife and mother of our child. She's pretty, too.
On Monday we celebrate our first anniversary! I'm not even sure what to think about that. I figured it would be a whirlwind year, but had no idea our lives would change so much. We're looking forward to a trip to Ft. Worth Sunday, first to play a gig with the John Sherrill Band, then dropping Bella off with Bethany's parents so we can spend the day alone in downtown Ft. Worth. It's no Italy, but it'll do.

In other news, I got my car back after a month in the shop. I ended up getting a new engine put in, thanks State Farm for helping that happen. We're also trying to figure out a new living arrangement. Our cute little one bedroom, one bath apartment worked very nicely for the two of us, but is starting to get pretty cramped. I'm still loving the new Nikon D80 camera, and I think today I'll post some pictures I've taken. Talk to you soon!

Bella Pics

Here's some more pictures of our little girl. Some are from our new camera, a Nikon D80, and some are from my phone. I think you should be able to tell the difference. I'm pretty excited about the Nikon, and just as excited that my cousins Andy and Lisa just got a Nikon D90 to take pictures of their daughters. Andy, you and I will have to swap photography tips or something. Maybe soon I'll post some of my favorite non-baby pictures I've taken so far. Until then, here's the girl:



With Uncle Jason and her cousin, Jacob



I think every dad ends up with a "napping with baby" picture. This was very obviously a Sunday afternoon, if you know what my weekends usually look like.









What infancy would be complete without a visit from the financial adviser?



This is what we see all night sometimes.



First bath. She actually sort of enjoyed it.






Milkaholic



Just hanging out with Dad



If she knew how, she'd laugh at her silly Papa.






It's 12:15am, which is actually late for me now. This used to be the primetime of my evening, but now it's a fight to stay up this late and enjoy it. Bella is actually sleeping in her crib right now, alone. That's a modern miracle, so I think we're gonna stretch this out as long as we can. More than likely we'll hear her sweet voice before 1, telling us it's time to eat again.

In just-in-case-anyone-still-reads-this-blog-to-hear-what's-going-on-with-josh news, I'm in my fourth week of being on a church staff as a worship leader. I'm not sure I ever fully told the whole story on this blog, but basically I felt like God was very directly calling me into a worship leader position at a church that happens to be across the street from our apartments. It was one of those things where I felt like if I just blew it off, I would be living in disobedience. So, I looked into it, and they hired me. The next day they moved me to the satellite campus, which meets in a movie theater. So much for all those times I swore I would never go to a portable church ever again. I'm enjoying it, for the most part. Maybe once a week I sit and wonder why God would have me do this. Sometimes I think everything I've spent the last 6 years learning doesn't matter, and that I'm the only one that sees church completely opposite of everyone else. Who knows, I'm still learning.

Lighter Note

I've spent a few posts on heavy theological stuff. That's important, I think. But, today I will be talking about some things that have recently brought me joy. This, of course, is the fleeting, temporary joy that things of this world bring, not the lasting, incomprehensible joy that comes from the Spirit of God.

1. I like lists, so this will be in list form.

2. Number 3 will be the first item.

3. The Michael Gungor Band- This summer, John Sherrill was pretty excited about one of their songs, called "Ancient Skies." I liked it too, so I checked out the full album. It's really great. I love the creativity and production, you can tell it was really thought out and is very well done. The songs are great, too. I love "Ancient Skies," but also this song, called "Spotless:"

**At this point, I had planned on copying and pasting the lyrics, so you could read them. I'm not lying, this is the first time ever I have not been able to find lyrics online for a particular song. The one link that looks like it will help me is not loading. I will continue to search and type, and hopefully something will pop up. Weird. It's a good song, believe me.

4. I have an iPhone now. I really like it. It continues to become more and more invaluable. Just Sunday, I downloaded an application that is a really simple shopping list, and Bethany and I headed off to H.E.B. It was totally frivolous and a pen and paper would've worked just fine, but how cool was it that I could use my phone for that?

5. I took my computer in the the Mac store today because I screwed something up. They adjusted everything so that my iTunes library is all in one place, on my portable hard drive, and there is no music on my actual computer hard drive. I have 24GB free on my computer now (instead of 500MB like before), and all of my music is in one place. It feels like a new computer. Now all I need is a battery, so I can actually use the computer more than 10ft. from the wall.

6. I quit the band, Max Cat. It's been a long time coming, but I finally just went ahead and did it. October 4th will be my last gig with them.

7. I just stopped and thought about how quitting Max Cat is a pretty big financial blow for me. Then I realized the song that's playing on my iTunes right now is called "God Will Take Care of You." Blatant profundity?

8. I didn't know I knew the word "profundity."

9. I have a new drive towards a pursuit of the knowledge of God. I'm trying to be careful that I'm not just learning facts to have something to argue, but really working towards sharpening my beliefs and growing in my faith. I'm sure I'll post a few of my newest revelations here soon.

10. I'm going to be a dad very soon. This is her:


I automatically think she's the most amazing baby ever conceived. I can't wait to meet her and hold her and raise her. Oh gosh, I have to raise her. God, are you SURE I'm ready for this?

11. I took my car in to a service shop last week for my inspection (two months late), and was not treated like a child. I will be going back for other car work as the need arises.

12. My DVR is glad the olympics are over. I actually had to reboot it because the "record" light was stuck on. Sorry, U-verse. Thanks for doing such a great job, though. P.S. The closing ceremony is still saved on there, if you want to come watch it with me.

13. I am researching a way (and I will find one, I promise) to bypass the "ringtone" function on iTunes. Right now, I can only use ringtones that I make on iTunes. And I can only make ringtones on iTunes from songs I have bought from iTunes. And among the songs I've bought on iTunes, only songs that are approved by the record company to be made into ringtones can be made into ringtones. Then, they charge an extra $.99 for the 30 seconds I use of each song I already own. This is limiting, and needlessly expensive. I don't like to be limited, especially when I'm paying for very high levels of technology. And I don't like to all of a sudden be charged for what I used to do for free. And seriously, why would I pay another $.99 to have 30 seconds of a song I already paid $.99 to have in the first place? I will find a way. I already have an idea, it's just going to take a few extra steps, and THANK YOU to Apple marketing, I'm starting to wonder if it's worth my time to just pay the $.99 to save myself 5 extra minutes. Oh, you are clever, Mr. Jobs.

14. This is the last item in the list. I will talk to you soon.

Nothing New Under This Title

I like to be right. I tend not to get into debates about things unless I'm pretty sure I'm going to win (or leave thinking I won). I spend hours researching things to find out the different angles and basically side with people that I agree with. I'm constantly trying to sharpen my thoughts and beliefs and theologies. Or I'm lazy and don't care. Depends on the day.

Here's a few things I've been wrestling with lately. This all stems from a few nights ago when I stumbled upon an article about Joel Osteen. I would keep it anonymous, but most of what I'm about to say either won't make sense if you don't know who I'm talking about, or it will be so obvious who I'm talking about, you'd know anyway. (** Just a note, I'm not saying, in the opening of this blog, that I am right in whatever I am saying here. These are the things I'm dealing with. If I'm not right, let me know what you think, and we'll figure it out together. Otherwise, I think I'm right)

First, here's something I've been thinking. Is it right to come on my blog and "publicly" speak against someone? Yes, I think so. These are things I would say to him, if I was important enough to talk to him. Also, Luke 12:48 says that much is required of whom much is given, so I'd say if you're placed in such a prominent "spiritual" position, everything you say can and should be questioned and balanced against scripture.

I am almost dreading what I'm writing today, because I've read SO MANY blogs and articles in the last few days, and I don't want to just add to the noise. My goal and prayer is that I expose the lies scripturally and maybe spur some of us to thoughts about these things. I don't think God wants us to just sit blindly and soak in everything that we hear or read. When Jesus sent out his disciples in Matthew 12, He charged them to be as wise (or shrewd) as serpents. I think that means we need to out-think the world. Satan has very limited resources to attack us with, and can use very subtle lies to influence us.

I made a comment on a youtube video the other day. The video was bashing Osteen (somewhat sloppily), and I was bashing someone who stupidly tried to defend Osteen. Within 12 hours, I was called a "hater" and banished to hell 3 or 4 times, etc. I'm pretty sensitive, so I thought, "Oh gosh, I AM a hater, where's the love, Smith?" But NO! That's what the pansy feel-good-about-anything-that-looks-like-what-i-want-God-to-look-like theologists think of anyone who disagrees with them. So this is for you blind, ignorant Christians who accept any message of health and prosperity because it's what you think you deserve because you're a Christian.

Word-Faith. Heard of it? I didn't until last week. Joel Osteen's dad was a member of this cult. Joel took over his ministry when he died, and continues this type of teaching. Oh? You didn't know the world's biggest church was a cult? Hmm.

Word-Faith basically says my words have authority over God (through something called "Positive Confession"). Hebrews 11 states "Faith is the substance of things hoped for..." "Substance" in this instance is somewhat poorly translated, and really means "Assurance." But someone decided that faith was an actual substance, and when I speak, this substance has actual power over outside events. Based on this belief, I can speak into my life what I want to happen, and it will happen. According to Osteen, I can speak into my life wealth, good health, whatever it is I desire. Since I'm speaking these things with enough faith, they will happen. So, therefore, God becomes subject to my words, and under my authority. Wow. I am pretty amazing, then. If God's under my authority, that .... that TOTALLY makes me GOD!!!!!!! Yesssssss. no. That's wrong. If God has something in authority over Himself, then technically (and philosophically), He can't be God. I've shut up some pretty loud atheistic mouths with this argument, so trust me, it's solid.

If I speak to my body and say "You will be well," you better believe I'm saying that as I'm driving to the hospital. My words are nothing without the authority of the Holy Spirit behind them.

Let's take Benny Hinn, for example. Beyond the fact that there are NO recorded updates on people he's "healed," he says that if we say "if it be Your will," our faith will be destroyed. Funny, that's the exact words Jesus spoke in Luke 22. If only Jesus would've had more faith. No, He destroyed His faith by asking God to let this cup pass from Him (I wonder if He knew He was about to die for a generation of people that think His death is their monetary and physical gain?)

If I'm never sick, I never need a healer. If I'm never struggling with money, I never need a provider. If I can will myself a perfect marriage, I never need to learn the kind of love that is a choice. If I can just speak myself into big house or nice car, I'll never learn to be content with what I have right now.

I know it's common now, even among people who are not believers, to say "Joel Osteen's not a pastor, he's just a motivational speaker." The more I read and think about it, the more I think that statement is not strong enough. He is dangerous. 47,000 people every Sunday leave a building thinking they've been taught the "ever-living seed of the word of God," when they've been showered with a message of false hope, not based in any scriptural truth. You cannot come to a realization of your need for God (and thusly be saved), without realizing the depravity of your own soul. As unpopular as it might make the messenger, it is a message that must be spoken.

Plug this thought into ANY large church (yes, it's getting personal now). Speak a message of our depravity. Don't use a screen, open a Bible. Don't sing top ten worship songs, sing what the Holy Spirit wants to hear. End with a message of hope, that Christ is the redemption for our depravity, but it requires some sacrifice and repentance on our part. Let people leave broken for their sins and imperfection, but glimpsing the hope set before them. ... Sadly, alot of people will leave if they don't get a warm fuzzy that day. Oops. There goes attendance. Empty seats. Means empty offering plates. Gosh, can't pay for our gigantic building or smaller ministries within the church. What? Pay cut for our pastor? No security detail? Church leadership is confused? Maybe if they were ministers, not businessmen, you wouldn't be relying on your personal marketing so much. ... Maybe it's safer to just preach a message that's inoffensive and have high quality production that makes church entertaining. WHEW! Almost thought we were just like those silly ancient churches of Acts.

I just enjoyed this article. It was a link on another friend's blog. I won't say I definitely agree with her 100%, so don't read thinking this is my new outlook on church. But, I will say that it opens up some lines of discussion and thought that the Church NEEDS to have. My beliefs not really swayed easily based on what I read, but certain things do excite me. It's as though they're ideas I've had but just couldn't really articulate them. I get this feeling while I'm reading of "Oh yeah, I feel that way too," even though I couldn't tell you when or where, or what my conclusions were.

I just erased a large amount of ranting. I lost my inspiration or something. So, read the previously linked blog, think about it, come to your own conclusions, and make the necessary improvements in your life, mind, and church. I might post my thoughts later.

Another Music Rant

I'm not extremely opinionated about alot of things. Music is not one of those things. I'm kind of over the whole "I like what you like so you'll like me" thing. So, if I don't really like a song, I'll tell you. I also am not afraid to admit that I might now like a song that I once didn't like. Here's what I'm talking about.

Without getting too honest about things that aren't really pertinent, I'll just say I'm not automatically a fan of each new worship song that people jump onto. Just because certain people wrote or recorded a song, doesn't mean I should embrace it. It doesn't mean the song is bad, it just means I would rather wait until the hype settles to see if the song has any true weight.

That said, I never liked the song "God of this City." I've had to play it several times at different churches, and it has always just felt contrived, like a marketing scheme by a big worship machine. "Here, Houston, here's a song to sing. Here's a song for you, Boston. Sing it at church and feel good."

No one ever seems to grasp on to the powerful message, because we don't think our cities need God. We safely drive down our roads to our clean churches with nice, smiling people who have normal lives. We sing our joyful songs about how good our lives are now that we're saved, and go home to our mostly great lives where we can do pretty well on our own. We're safe and protected in our little bubbles. We don't know what God is doing in our cities, so how can we say, "Greater things are yet to come in this city"?

You might not have heard of the band called Bluetree, but they wrote that song. After hearing this story (Passion doesn't mention it, that I can find; And Amazon.com told it incorrectly), I can honestly say that I am starting to love this song now. I'm not ready to sing it at my church in my city; I don't think it's necessarily for us here. So, take a look. Here's the story behind the song, from Bluetree's Myspace blog. Read it, then read the lyrics and allow your perspective to change.

God of this City

Nov 2007, Bluetree are heading out to Pattaya Thailand to participate in an event arranged by Belfast missionaries living in Pattaya, Thailand called Pattaya Praise. We’ve no expectation of the event; we were just looking for an opportunity to serve somehow.

We didn’t know much about it before we left, but Pattaya is a dark place. It’s a small seaside town notorious for it’s sex trade. Throughout our time there we heard countless stories of girls who are bought from their parents for a price, sold to the sex industry at ages as young as 5 years old. Arriving in Pattaya the spiritual climate seems to change, it’s hard to define, but there is a very tangible change. On the bus journey in we’d been our usual cheery selves, but entering Pattaya at 10am and turning on to a street lined by girls ready for business, the bus became very quiet. We’re in total shock. It’s a sunny day but it’s incredible how dark it feels.

’Walking street’ we learn is the epicentre of the sex trade in Pattaya, it’s about a mile long and at night springs to life with neon signs. Thai people are generally conservative in their dress sense – it’s generally considered provocative to bare your shoulders. But on their street the girls are wearing very little, and offering anything you can imagine for a price. It’s easy to look around with human eyes, see the depravity and get angry. You see older men walking hand-in-hand with young girls – as a daddy, that’s hard to take in. It’s easy to get angry, it’s easy to judge – but that’s not our job, so we grit our teeth.

We were in Pattaya to be part of a praise event not far from this street, the soul purpose of which was to worship and show God’s light in a dark place. We wanted to play more than the scheduled slots while we were there, so we found out that one of the bar owners would let us play a worship set in her bar on the proviso that we brought as many from the missions team who would buy coke-a-cola all night. We walk in to the bar which is about the middle of walking street, girls are lined up on the stairs waiting for business. We get set up, we’re really nervous and quite uncomfortable but we kick in to a familiar beat of worship and soon it’s ok. God starts to speak and we started to move in to this spontaneous song. The truth is when you worship in a place, you start to see God’s heart for that place. What would God say to a place like this?

Amidst the depravity God say’s, I’m the God of this City, I’m the King of these people and Greater Thing are Yet to Come, Greater Things are Still to be Done HERE. The song wasn’t written before that night, but we came out of the bar having worshipped with the song that is now the title track of our album – God of this City (Greater things). The song isn’t just for Pattaya – it’s for your city, and it’s true. By faith we must expect that greater things are still to be done.

God of this City (Greater Things)

You’re the God of this city
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation
You are

You’re the light in this darkness
You’re the hope to the hopeless
You’re the peace to the restless
You are

For there is no-one like our God
There is no-one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done
In this city

You’re the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You’re the King above all Kings
You are

You’re the strength in our weakness
You’re the love to the broken
You’re the joy in the sadness
You are

For there is no-one like our God
There is no-one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things have still to be done here

Camp Recap

This one might be long...

You might know, you might not. I'm part of a ministry called Reach Ministries, which supports worship leader John Sherrill, in whose band I play. Lately, I've stopped referring to it as "a band I'm in," because it's much more than that. Part of our ministry includes summers full of leading worship at youth camps all over Texas (and beyond). This was my 5th summer traveling with John, but my 7th year to play for camps. This year found us out for 6 weeks total, which is alot, but not the most ever (we did 10 a few years ago). Here's a pretty brief look into each camp this year and a few things that stood out to me, things I liked and didn't, and I'm sorry if I offend anyone:

Week 1- Alto Frio

Chad Norris, speaker. I like Chad. He's so down-to-earth and preaches truth so plainly that it makes you wonder why you never thought of it that way. He would say things like "I'm preaching better than you're listening," and it was true. God spoke to me pretty clearly that week about something (explanation to come soon), which was unexpected and scary, but obvious and empowering. The camp directors were way too interested in numbers, and even extended the invitations each night to make sure there were more "decisions." It was frustrating to see the work God was doing be squelched somewhat by the warnings that most of us will miss heaven by 13 inches. ... That's the distance between your head and your heart. And it's an awful analogy. Especially after Chad had spoken that once we surrender to God, our spirit is made right with God and He sees us blameless. Then, we start the process of "knowing God," redeeming our minds and experiencing eternity NOW, instead of just waiting until we die to have the fulness of our salvation. He preached better than I listened.

Week 2- Disney, OK

John Randles, speaker. This week was just John, Dave (drums), and me. Disney, OK is forever away, and is a hopeless little town with a really good Mexican restaurant. John Randles is fun to hang out with, and is a great speaker, although I just don't relate as well to sports analogies as some do. Hopefully a few kids got a kick in the butt to get up and start living. Once the kids warmed up to us, they reached new levels in intimacy in their worship. It was neat to see that. We had fun hanging out with camp director Chuck Hill and his wife, Amy. My room was the furthest from the wireless internet, so I could maybe check my email once a day. I rebuked it one night as I searched for hotels for Bethany to stay in because of the giant roach infestation in our apartment. It decided to work for me that night, in the name of Jesus. And, we thought we were going to die during the thunder storm Wednesday night.

Week 3- Palacios, TX

Casey Cease, speaker. This was 220 Student Leadership Week- Preteen style. 220 is part of Reach Ministries. We do four camps a year (two high school camps and a preteen camp in the summer, and a winter retreat). Casey did great, but seemed a bit road weary. Understandable. Palacios is a miserable place. It was the worst camp food all summer. Ok, negative things aside. The band beat the crew in wiffleball. My friend Seth and I had a good time being the "Mail Guys" and handed out letters to the kids each day. I also enjoyed watching the daily rain storms. I'm sorry, I'm really struggling to find positive things to write. Oh, I saw some porpoises.

Week 4- SAGU, Waxahachie, TX

Matt Shepperd, speaker. Great week. It was the first of the two 220 Leadership Weeks. I am thankful for two trips to Waffle House that week. The campus was great for camp. Matt is a great communicator, and tons of fun to hang out with. The theme this year was "Restored," and we saw alot of lives, hearts, and relationships restored. God is welcomed and expected to move at 220 camps (which is not always the case at other camps, sad to say), and He always does. Amazing what happens when His people gather and beg Him to move in more powerful ways than they've seen. Check out Matt's ministry, I Am Change. My eyes were opened to the global issue of clean water. And no matter how trendy it is, Ethos is not doing enough. Please support this ministry. It's a problem that is actually relatively easy to solve, but just takes some selfless support. Clean water can be provided for most of the world for $10 billion a year. In the U.S. (which is only 5% of the world's wealth), we spent almost $480 billion at Christmas time last year.

Week 5- Camp Chaparral, Wichita Falls, TX

Maybe it's better I can't remember the camp pastor's name this week. That way I can speak more honestly. It's frustrating to feel like over the years I've come to learn about a gospel of grace, I've come to find freedom in Christ, instead of a list of rules to follow, and to see a group of teens be taught almost the exact opposite. I don't even know what to say without ranting for pages and pages. I guess it boils down to this: There was a message spoken this week of change - from the outside in. That's not how it works. Remember Week 1? Our spirits are redeemed. There is no secular/sacred, as far as I can tell. If the church continues to separate itself from what's going on in the world by ignoring the music and movies and art of this day, we will never have a voice to bring hope to this world. God can use a "secular" song or movie to speak truth just as much (if not more) than He can through a "Christian" song (and WAY MORE than Christian movies). God's only requirement is that we love Him and love others. If we do that, we will know what is right for us to listen to and watch. Some things affect me differently than they do you. I know I can't see certain movies because of what they make me think. I know some music plants impure thoughts in me. That's because I rely on the Spirit of God in me to show me how I need to live. I can't rely on a list of "can" and "cannot" to know what is right for me, because that's just going to take away my need to trust God, and my ability to think and reason and really explore my world. If that happens, I might miss God somewhere I wouldn't expect Him. And alot of "Christian" music just makes me mad. So, according to some people's theology, I should only listen to that music. Oh, and here's a tip for anyone who is just itching to be a preacher. If you're going to slam the culture, and technology, and music, and movies (and call people "punk kids" and "pre-christians"), don't use movie clips in your sermons. It negates everything you've preached. And I thought good Christians boycotted Disney, anyway. Oh, yeah, and when the worship leader ends worship on Thursday night by allowing the Spirit to speak through Him, basically also negating everything you've spoken in order to emotionally guilt kids into false repentance and "just in case" salvation so you can report more numbers, NEVER EVER use the phrase "How about a hand clap for sensitivity." Never has there been a more oxymoronic statement. I also had the most excruciating neck pain I've ever experienced as a result of weeks of playing, traveling, and loading gear. I got an emergency massage which relieved the knots in my upper body, but spent the next three days nursing the pain and not able to turn my head freely.

Week 6- MSU, Wichita Falls, TX

Matt Shepperd, speaker. This was the second of the 220 leadership weeks. We've experienced spiritual warfare at 220 camps before (it's to be expected when your focus is glorifying God), and this was no exception. It was intense. I'll try to keep it short, email me if you want more details. Basically the place was freaky to begin with. My skin crawled when we walked through the room the week before to check stuff out. The kids were young and most had never been to a 220 camp before, so it was a bit frustrating that they never were quite connected to what was going on. There was never a spirit of reverence, or any night that just really felt like the kids were awed by who God was. There was some, but not what I expected. Thursday night was unforgettable. Matt Shepperd was backstage waiting to preach, and we were leading worship. We started doing a song called "Healer," which says "I believe You're my healer, I believe You are all I need." John was leading and I could tell his mind was on intercession for the kids. As the song progressed, he stopped playing piano and lifted his arms to worship, then just laid his head on the piano and wept (he said later it was like a rushing wind blew over him). I reached over to my stage piano and we finished the song. There was a feeling in our playing that had not been there, and is hard to describe. After we finished, and John was playing again, I bent over my keyboard, head in hands, very short of breath, and wept. I wasn't sad, I wasn't broken over anything, it was unexplainable in human terms. I knew the Holy Spirit was right with us on that stage. Later I found out that Matt had been sitting on the stairs not 15 feet behind me, and felt a presence behind him. Instinctively he reached back and basically threw it in front of him, and put his hands out and started praying and walking towards the door. There were other freaky backstage stories, too, like when one of our staff guys was on the catwalk taking pictures during worship, and he felt like something was trying to push him off. I remember seeing him run down the stairs out of the corner of my eye. The next morning started out like a typical Friday morning at 220 camp. We usually have a 1 1/2 hour service with a short message, communion, prayer over the students, a few joyful songs, and then go home. I don't want to exploit the situation, so I'll just say that there was a girl who is demon-possessed. John was talking to her, and said something that made the demon mad, and she dropped to the ground and tried to hit her head on a brick wall. They constrained her and people joined around to pray. I don't usually feel the need to be in the middle of those situations, but for whatever reason I rushed over to pray. The same feeling from Thursday night came over me as I approached, and I could barely stand. My legs were shaking. I've heard some things about demon possession before, but nothing can prepare you for that. I can honestly say that it was not a human face I was looking at. Sure, it was this poor girl who had been hurt by so much in the past, but her facial features were different. One leader called out the type of demon by name, and she turned to him and sneered. John was begging her to just say the name "Jesus," and it was amazing to watch how she fought and struggled to even speak the name that could bring healing. Part of her bondage was rooted in deep unforgiveness. Once she was faced with that, and could forgive a friend, she snapped out of it and sat up.

I posted this earlier today with a few more details, but then when I checked this evening, the post was cut off in the middle of that story. The enemy has been and will continue to be defeated, and doesn't want these victories to be shared. He hates us. He hates that this girl has begun healing. She's not free completely (there are deep levels of hurt), so keep her in prayer. Keep in mind that these things happen all around us. If we're saved, the only tactic the enemy has is fear. Through the Spirit of God, we have authority over these things. They're so strong, but God is stronger, and He lives in us.

Midsummer Night's Blog

I'm proud to say that I am the official low score holder at, and tied the course record for ... gosh, I can't remember the name of the place. But I played mini golf this evening with my cousins. And I scored a 36. Just to tell you how amazing this is, if nobody else gets a lower score this month, then I will receive a trophy. I only started playing bad once I realized I was about to beat the record. Other than that I was pretty unstoppable.

This week had a pretty crazy few days attached to it. I was in Palacios, TX all week for a pre-teen camp. That was pretty cool, very laid-back, somewhat restful. God really did some work in those kids' hearts, it was fun to see. And, the band beat the crew in wiffleball ... again. Palacios is still one of the grossest places in Texas, and it stormed at least once every day (I liked that part). The camp food was close to awful, so there were alot of Sonic and Dairy Queen meals.

Thursday, camp ended at 12, so I packed up real quick, grabbed some lunch, and headed off to Temple, a short 4 hour drive, where I was going to play with Jared Johnson. We played at Duckhorn Tavern, and I don't think it wins the "Smallest Stage I've Ever Played On" award, but it does win the "Smallest Stage I've Ever Played On With 5 Other Guys." Check it:




Here's a picture of Jared doing his solo set:





And a video of him on "Can You Duet" (on CMT this Spring):





I hadn't seen Bethy since Sunday, so I decided to drive home after we played so I could see her, and not spend an extra night in Temple. That sounded like a great idea back when I thought we were playing 8-12, but once I got there I found out we were playing 10-2! So, that put me on the road pretty late, but our bass player ended up riding back with me, so it worked out. I was tired, but I made it. I got home at 5am, and slept until about 10, cause I had to get up and go to a family reunion.

I can't say I have much to say about the reunion. I didn't know most of the people there, but I did have a good time hanging out with my cousins that came in from Florida, and talking to one of my mom's cousins, who is a guitar player from Louisiana, and plays alot with Percy Sledge. Today we celebrated my Grandma's 86th birthday (I think).

Tomorrow I head off to Waxahachie, TX to join up with the band for camp number 4 this summer. Three more then I'm done.

Other Things, Less Rock n' Roll

This is what I'm thinking today:

1) I just found several blogs of friends I haven't heard from in a long time. Turns out alot of people are pregnant right now. It's strange how growing up happens. You're in college, and some of your friends start to graduate, and you can't believe you're old enough to have friends with college degrees. Then you graduate and some of your friends are getting married, and you can't believe you're old enough to have friends who are married. Then you get married and some of your friends are having babies, and you don't have time to think about that because you got your wife pregnant two months after the wedding.

2) I am glad that Bethany and Bella are both healthy and happy. We had a Dr. visit Monday afternoon, and everybody is growing like they're supposed to. Monday was Bella's 24th week of existence. Right now she is jamming to some light classical faves.

3) I'm at a crossroads in life right now. I have before me two opportunities for work; both jobs would bring more money, but also some sacrifice.

I always remember getting out of college, and how some of my friends would be worried that there were no job offers, no direction they were headed, no idea what was going to happen. They would have to fully trust God to give them what they needed. I would always have two or three offers, but no idea which to choose. Obviously, I was way more blessed than them. That was sarcasm. I fully believe that both scenarios are of equal importance, especially when it comes to how our individual minds work, and how we trust God. See, He knows that I can live with the fact that I don't know what I'll be doing three months from now (and I don't, my schedule is completely empty). He also knows that I hate to make decisions. It's not that I'm lazy and don't want to think about stuff. I over-think it and get worried that I'll make a bad decision and screw up the rest of my life. Where my opportunity to trust comes in, is that I have to trust that God will show me the best option, and allow me to use the wisdom He's given me in the past, along with the current help of the Spirit.

Nevertheless, there will be a new chapter starting in my life within the next few weeks (as if the last few chapters haven't overlapped enough). Please pray with me that I can choose the option that allows me to provide for my family the best, furthers my career and abilities, stretches me beyond what I'm now capable of, and breathes life into my soul, rather than steal my joy.

4) Please buy this:
John Sherrill is one of my best friends and mentors. Playing with him for the last 4 years has changed the way I think, the way I worship, and the way I tolerate Mexican food. I covet the faith that he and his family have.

5) Our neighbors upstairs have been especially loud the last two days. Why won't they just go to work or something.

6) I am going to go read to my daughter now. Maybe I'll post a "belly pic" soon so you can see how Bethany is progressing. It's amazing.

Prayer Hour

This is a video I was hired to underscore. "Pastor Shepherd" is the father of one of my guitar students. Obviously, this is satire, so don't take it too seriously. He's got several different videos on YouTube, but so far I think this is the funniest one.





IN OTHER NEWS:

Life is good. Bethany and I somehow got ourselves on a crazy sleeping schedule this week where we go to bed between 3-4am and sleep till 11-12. It works ok for us during the week, since she works till almost midnight anyway, but Sunday's gonna come tomorrow morning, and my body is going to hate me for waking up in "the middle of the night" when 7am rolls around.

We've started looking at new living options once the baby arrives. We'll probably stay at these apartments until our lease is up in Nov. We'd love to move into a house, but are a little overwhelmed by some of the costs involved. Especially since we really hadn't been saving or preparing for this yet. We're just to the point where I feel like our monthly finances have started to settle enough to figure out a budget. But nooooooo, now we've gotta turn everything around and focus on the future more. I'm very thankful that we got our life insurance taken care of before we found out about the baby. I would never have even known where to start thinking about all that stuff, so thanks to our agent Jarred for calling me and gently explaining everything.

Life is definitely coming at us fast. Seems like just a year ago we were dating. Oh yeah, we were just dating a year ago. We weren't even engaged yet. Now, we're looking at houses, shopping for baby furniture, and deciding which instruments our kids will play! I'm only slightly freaked out. I don't mean that sarcastically, either. I'm happy about all the changes. I'm excited to have a family.

This is Josh, signing off.

Right now...

I'm always wary about what to write on these blogs. I mean, how much
should I really reveal about myself to whatever random person decides
to read this?

I'm a very private person. I am extremely choosey about who I decide
to open up to. I'm untrusting. I can't tell if that's a good thing or
a bad thing.

I can tell that I'm in an annoyingly loud Starbucks, and I'm
putting in headphones. They are singing the orders in broadway musical
voices, which is just a little too much excitement for my barely awake
mind. Yes, 1:15pm, barely awake.

So, back to my privacy. I struggle between desiring community and
openness and transparency, and my own tendencies to be reserved and
private. I don't like overbearing people all up in my business. I'm
intensely independent, to the point that I'm almost offended if a
suggestion comes at the wrong time from the wrong person. It takes
alot for me to feel comfortable around other people. It takes a strong
confidence that I don't often have.

I guess I don't mind when people suggest things to me, but I think
people might confuse my lack of action or word as a loss for
direction. That's usually not true. I think before I act, and most
likely I'll have a whole situation worked out before I make the first
move.

Maybe it just freaks me out to think that people observe me and take
notice of what I do and say. I usually just want to sneak by
unnoticed. I don't like attention much, I get uncomfortable when I'm
singled out of a group (even family and close friends). I like to
quietly do my thing. I like one-on-one conversations and interactions.

I've been realizing some of the inner struggles of my heart and mind
over the last few years, as I've gotten to know some of the inner
struggles of another heart. It's been scary, it's been frustrating.
I'm sure we all fight with some sort of self-righteousness. I thought
I was humble. Ha! I'm much more selfish than I could have imagined. I
do believe, though, that a close relationship (such as marriage)
should reveal your selfishness or it's not doing its job. I'm
overwhelmed right now with who I am, but I'm confident that God is
working in me, and using Bethany to shape me into the man I'm supposed
to be.

I get overwhelmed when I look at who I wish I was, or who I could be
right now. "If only I'd read my Bible every day in college," "If only
I had a church home for those 6 years I was playing at different
churches each week," "If only I was more spiritual, then I'd be more
apt to get out and serve and less apt to sit around wishing I was more
spiritual and ready to be out serving and making a difference." It's
sad for me to look back and miss how things were in 9th grade.

I've got enough smarts to know, though, that God loves and can use the
man I am right now... this unshowered, unshaved, quiet guy, sitting in
the Starbucks, missing his fiancee, wondering if he's good enough for
her, ashamed at his current heart condition, trying to remember if
he's always been this quiet or if it's a result of too much time spent
alone... that guy. God can use me now. Maybe the forced smile I gave
to the Waffle House waitress today was just what she needed. Maybe the
bottled water I gave the weasely lawn guy that I don't trust was
exactly what he was praying for, if he does pray.

Yes, God can use me for bigger things. Or, God could not use me at
all. Why do I always think God has to use me for huge things? God
doesn't need me. At all. I forget that real life is ministry. I keep
thinking God's about to allow me these huge oppertunities, so I sit at
home waiting for them, and come out sometimes, but don't interact with
people if I can help it, and I treat "small" gigs like nuisances. I'd
probably find more joy if I was a little more involved in life's
details.

I hope that wasn't too revealing. I guess we all have this desire to
be known, just some of us lack the courage and voice to let ourselves
be known. Even more, I think, we have a desire to be known, and loved
in light of it.

Something to think over

"I can never be a true disciple of Jesus Christ until I adequately despise sin. It is not enough for me to abandon sin; I must loathe it. God refers to sin in terms of beastliness, the stubborn horse, the wily snake, the mud-loving pig. That is not accidental. The beast does what is natural to it; its behavior is instinctive, and it is not redeemable. The beastliness of sin represents sin in its farthest distance from God, not merely that which is different from God, but that which is opposite. My true feeling about sin is never reflected about sin in general; it is always about sin in me. God never redeems abstractions or principles; He redeems people. Until I can loathe the sin I commit, I will never understand God's attitude toward my sin.


To be a true disciple of Christ I must see the beastliness of sin before it works its devastation upon me. I must hate it everlastingly. I must never lose my grip on the fact that it was my very own sin that drove Jesus to tears, to loud outcries, to moaning and groaning, and to the bloody nails. When I feel this way about my sin, I will understand Isaiah's 'Woe is me' and what it means to be cleansed with a coal from the altar."


W. Glynn Evans

Liquid Silver

I saw my reflection across the room
Thought I was beautiful
But You gently took me, wiped my dust away
Said I could be beautiful, so beautiful

The crucible hurts me, as it changes my form
How can I be beautiful?
I'm totally liquid and starting to boil
You say I'll be beautiful, so beautiful

You stir me and sift me, the dross floats away
When will I be beautiful?
The fire, it still burns me, I'm filling my mold
You're making me beautiful, so beautiful

Removing the heat, You reveal my new form
Oh God, am I beautiful?
You see Your reflection, and smile at Your work
And say "Child, now you're beautiful, so beautiful"

"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one
refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon
my name,and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people';and
they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'" Zech 13:9 (esv)